


Seas The Day

by Witch_of_agnesi



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Anal Sex, Bottom Callum "Halfway" Highway, Drunkenness, Grumpy Ben Mitchell, Hand Jobs, Holidays, Kissing, M/M, Miscommunication, Rough Sex, Swearing, Tight Trousers, Uniform Kink, Uniforms, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:36:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27455092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witch_of_agnesi/pseuds/Witch_of_agnesi
Summary: Ben is a grumpy, irritable workaholic, who gets booked onto a cruise against his wishes by his boss.He’s determined to hate every little thing about the holiday, but that’s before he meets cheerful, sunshiney Callum Highway...Later chapters may change in rating, just to be aware, but they will be skippable.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 80
Kudos: 220





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have six stories that I started and put aside and this is the one I decided to write!! Obviously missing holidays that were cancelled due to Covid!

Ben stared out the window at the airport terminal with a growing sense of doom. He was surrounded by fun loving, loud holidaymakers, of which half of them seemed to be annoying children, and he could already feel his nerves starting to get on edge around them.

Of course, technically, he was a holidaymaker too, he had refused to take any annual leave during the entire working year and had accrued so much that his boss/sort of cousin at the garage he was a mechanic at had just sat there one day last month and insisted he take it all off in one go. Ben had argued his case to no avail. Single, with no partner or kids and a family that he could live without seeing for weeks on end, he had always thrown himself into work as a way of passing the time, distracting himself, and to suddenly be told that he had to have at least a month off in one go was a nightmare situation. He had been at a complete loss of what to do but it had been made even worse when Billy had handed him the tickets for a cruise that he’d been booked on, supposedly as an extra bonus for all his hard work.

“Why the fuck would I want to go on a bloody cruise?” he’d demanded, professional etiquette go hang. 

Luckily his reputation was well known in the garage, plus he was family, after all, and Billy had taken no notice of the profanity laden comment. “Get you out of my hair for a bit,” he’d shrugged. “You’ve been hanging around here for ages and you’re getting paler and more stressed every single week.”

“But a cruise! It’ll be me, alone, and lots of old biddies all trying to win at bingo and eat as much as they possibly can!” Ben had wailed.

Billy had merely raised an eyebrow at him. “Maybe you’ll meet someone there,” he’d suggested. “You know, someone who can actually cope with your Grinch like personality. Gotta be a good chance if there’s 5000 people on board that there’ll be at least someone who you can talk to.”

And so Ben now found himself sitting morosely in the airport bar by the gate, listening to tannoy announcements tell him that the plane to Miami that he was booked onto was delayed by an hour and wondering how many beers would be appropriate to drink before 9am. He’d already had two bottles, to try to drown out the excited chatter of kids, but as he was on holiday and he was planning on sending Billy the bill for every little thing he drank, he supposed another drink would be acceptable. Besides, the more things that went wrong, the more he could complain about how dreadful this holiday was. So he left his coat at the table and grabbed himself another bottle, figuring the more intoxicated he became right now, the better the flight would be.

When he got back to his table he was more than annoyed to see that a man had plonked himself down on one of the chairs opposite him. As Ben drew closer, he looked up and beamed at him and Ben had to take a step backwards with how blinding the whole thing was. “Hi!” the man said and even his voice sounded like it was cheerful rainbows and unicorns and Ben couldn’t stop the frown from starting on his face. “I thought as the plane was delayed by an hour it would be OK to sit here…” his smile faltered a little as he stared up at Ben. “It is OK, right? There’s nowhere else free to sit.”

“It’s fine,” Ben grouched as he sat back down, “you can do whatever you like, it’s a free country, after all.”

The man smiled at him again and Ben tried very hard not to notice the way his blue eyes twinkled and a dimple formed in one cheek as he did. “I’m Callum,” he said, holding his hand out but Ben ignored it, trying not to get sucked in to anyone or anything that would constitute enjoyment of any sort.

“I’m Mephistopheles,” Ben said dryly and tried to hide the twitch of his lips as Callum grinned broadly at him.

“Cashing in your air miles to fly to the fiery pit that is Miami?” he said with a laugh and this time Ben had to duck his head to stop the smile from breaking out over his face.

“Alright then, I’m Ben,” he said eventually, looking back up.

“Ah,” Callum said, still with that infuriating grin on his rather lovely face. “Just Mephistopheles at weekends then?”

This time the way his lips curved into a smile was too hard to ignore and Ben was incredibly annoyed at himself for feeling so charmingly amused at this man that he slumped in his chair, focused on his bottle of beer and ignored any further attempts at conversation.

It was around an hour later when they were called for boarding and Ben moved away from the table as quickly as possible, hoping that he’d never have to see Callum and his cheery smile again, even if he was a bit easy on the eye. So he ended up cursing his bad luck and whatever deity he could think of when he checked his seat number again, found where he was sitting, and discovered a familiar face already ensconced in the seat adjacent to where he was going to be spending the next eight hours.

“Small world, eh,” Callum said cheerfully as he stood up to let Ben into the window seat. “Fancy this happening!”

“Yeah, just my luck, right,” Ben scowled in response as he slumped into his chair, scrunching himself up in a vain attempt to dissuade any further conversation.

Callum watched as he sorted out what he needed for the journey, eyes alight as he gestured towards the inflight magazine and entertainment system. “There’s some good films on, we could maybe watch one together?” he suggested and Ben scowled so hard at him he was sure he would give himself an aneurysm if he wasn’t careful.

“I hate films,” he lied and Callum furrowed his brow.

“Really? I didn’t think anyone could hate films. What do you like to watch instead?”

Ben flicked through the magazine, pointed at the first thing that he could find and was rewarded by an even more bemused look from Callum. “Air crash investigation,” he said slowly. “Right. Interesting choice for where we are now and what we’re about to be doing.”

“Well, if you like something you like it, no matter where you are,” Ben snapped back, resigning himself to having to sit through at least a few hours of what surely was the most inappropriate show he could have found. He watched as Callum fidgeted in his chair, eyes still fixed on the picture in the magazine, his cheery face growing more and more serious by the second. In the end, Ben heaved a sigh. “Nervous flyer?” he asked, telling himself it was more to prepare himself for eight hours of hell than concern for the man sitting next to him.

Callum looked up at him finally. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’ve never flown before.”

Ben stared at him, startled, he had been under the impression that most people would have taken at least one flight in their lifetime and he was intrigued despite himself. “Well, plane crashes rarely happen these days,” he said. “And if this one does crash, at least we can be immortalised in a wonderful tv show, just like this one.” and he made a rather expansive hand movement towards the magazine that was still open on his lap.

Callum’s mouth had dropped open. “Thanks,” he said dryly. “You’re a bundle of laughs, Ben. Very reassuring.”

Callum thankfully fell silent as the plane took off, but once it was in the air, he rather less thankfully proceeded to explain excitedly to Ben how much fun he was having and how incredible the take off was. “And you were right, we didn’t crash!” he exclaimed with that big grin and all Ben could do was grab his earphones and switch on the inflight entertainment in a bid to get some peace and quiet. 

It was meal time when he had no choice but to take out his earphones, finding Callum gazing expectantly at him and mentally preparing himself for the barrage of conversation he was sure was coming his way. As soon as Callum realised he was able to listen, he bestowed another one of those blinding smiles on Ben, which, of course, did not charm him in the slightest. “Good shows?” he enquired.

“Yeah, now I know what it means if the flight attendant buzzes twice to the cockpit,” Ben explained, and took a perverse pleasure in the look of worry that flitted across Callum’s lovely face. “Pilots want coffee,” he added after a pause that was just long enough to allow the thought to fester.

Callum pulled a face, but grinned again and Ben figured he was unfortunately forgiven, made clear by the way Callum leant into him. “Where are you off to, then?” he asked. “You don’t exactly look like you’re overjoyed to be flying to Miami. Off to Disneyworld?”

Ben spluttered and almost spat out the water he’d just drunk. “Oh god,” he groaned. “Thanks, you’ve just made me realise how much more awful my life could be! You must be the only person in the world that could have done that.”

Callum looked inordinately pleased by this comment. “Not DisneyWorld then,” he smiled.

“A cruise,” Ben admitted and then looked up at Callum’s startled face.

“The Jewel of the Ocean?” Callum said and Ben realised with a jolt exactly why he was asking that question and was simultaneously annoyed and pleased at the idea of having one familiar face on board.

“You too?” he said slowly, trying to convey as much reluctance and annoyance as he could in his conflicted state of mind.

“Yeah,” Callum beamed. “What a coincidence!”

“Mmmm,” Ben hummed, “coincidence or stalking? Do I need to get a restraining order?”

Callum laughed at that comment and sat back in his chair. “Where’s your cabin?” he asked and Ben was struck by the idea that actually maybe he was some sort of psychopath. Callum must have seen the look on his face because he shook his head. “I’m not looking to murder you in your sleep, Ben!” he said.

Ben rifled through his hand luggage and thrust his tickets at Callum. “I don’t know where my cabin is. I don’t even want to come on this stupid cruise, I had no choice.”

Callum stopped flicking through his ticket and looked up with a frown on his face. “You’ll love it,” he said earnestly. “There’s so much to do and going to places by sea is incredible, the way you see the port far away on the horizon and as it gets closer you see the way the land just springs out from the blue ocean. It’s peaceful and lovely and calm. And don’t forget all the wildlife, we may see whales or dolphins if we’re lucky.”

“I’d rather sit in my cabin and get drunk,” Ben groused. “I can’t imagine I’m going to like anything about this holiday.”

“You’ve got a balcony,” Callum said, handing the ticket back over and for the first time looking a little put out. “You can sit on there and drink the entire three weeks away if you like, but you’ll miss out on so much.”

“You don’t know me, don’t pretend that you care,” Ben snapped. “I’m only here because my boss is making me come, no other reason, so if I want to wallow I will.”

“Suit yourself,” Callum said. “But if you give it a chance, I bet you’ll like it. It’s silly to hold a grudge and deny yourself something so incredible.”

“Yeah, right,” Ben said. “Being stuck in a poky cabin, getting seasick, hearing lots of other people getting seasick, probably coming down with Norovirus, you hear those sort of stories all the time. Deadly tin cans, cruise ships are, things like that spread like wildfire.”

“Hilarious,” Callum said, slightly faintly, “you’re a right miserable sod, do you know that? Why don’t you just take the stick that’s wedged up your arse out and actually plan to enjoy yourself for once?”

“Where are you in the boat anyway?” Ben asked, changing the subject abruptly to remove that kicked puppy-dog look from off Callum’s face and just a little bit startled at the biting comment from what seemed like a usually laid back man next to him.

“Ship,” Callum corrected absently, still frowning. “Nowhere near you, don’t worry, I’ll be down in the bowels, under the waterline probably. Unless I’m extraordinarily lucky that is.”

Silence fell between them after that, and once lunch had been cleared away, Ben turned away, got his earphones back in and pretended to ignore Callum for the rest of the flight.

Getting off the plane was a free for all and in the mess of the immigration queue and baggage hall, Ben lost sight of Callum and ended up sitting alone on one of the four coaches waiting for cruise passengers at the airport. He tried to keep an eye out for Callum, not wanting him to miss the coaches and actually already missing having a cheery face and someone to talk to amongst the other excited passengers, all of whom were too busy with their own groups to notice him. The coaches left without him spotting Callum and he had no choice but to hope that he’d managed to get on one of the other coaches and that maybe he’d see him around the ship once they were both on there.

It was an hour ride to the port and when they drew up Ben was startled at the sheer size of the ship he was going to call home for the next three weeks. It dwarfed the large terminal building, taller than a skyscraper and longer than he’d ever thought, he realised with a sinking heart that even if he’d wanted to find Callum on board, the chance of doing so was minuscule. It wasn’t that he wanted to spend every waking moment with anybody, but Callum had smiled and spoke to him, treated him like a person, and with the amount of passengers that were boarding the cruise, having one friendly face around would have made the whole situation less terrifying.

Ben grabbed his passport and hand luggage and shuffled into the terminal in silence, amongst all the other laughing, excited passengers, wishing he was anywhere but here. There were uniformed staff, checking paperwork at the doorway and whilst queuing up, he considered if it would be bad etiquette to just run away and hide somewhere at home for the next three weeks or if he should just go on board and have the worst time possible to show Billy how ridiculous this idea had been.

Before he could make up his mind, he’d reached the front of the queue and a smiley young lady took his ticket off him, scanned it and then beamed even wider at him. “Hello, Mr Mitchell!” she said. “You’ve got a VIP entrance organised, so would you like to follow me please?”

Ben was bemused, he was sure that Billy wouldn’t have even considered giving him anything other than the basics, but with no other option available to him, he trailed after the lady. She led him past all the queues of people waiting to check in, to a desk around the side where there was no one else waiting and with another large smile, left him to get checked in and taken care of straight away. He had his passport checked, cruise card handed to him and then was whisked through security, again bypassing all the queues, and led up an escalator and then through a set of twisting tunnels until he stepped out onto the main deck of the cruise ship.

He stopped just inside and stared open mouthed at the spectacle before him, three stories of opulence, shops, marble staircases and chandeliers gleamed back at him, forming the main atrium. There were bars, a fountain and he was even sure that he could see an ice sculpture in the middle of the floor. There were staff milling around, chatting to guests and handing out free drinks and he grabbed a glass of champagne, more to hide his shock than anything else. How on earth was he going to find his way around a mammoth place like this? He was so overwhelmed.

“Not bad, is it,” an almost familiar voice sounded close by his ear and he jumped a mile, before turning around to see the beaming, happy face of the person he’d been trying to find since getting off the plane. He thought he wouldn’t be more shocked by anything else, but as he turned to face Callum, his mouth dropped open again and the words he was going to say died on his lips


	2. Chapter 2

Callum was standing there, right in front of him, hair perfectly quiffed, broad smile on his face, eyes alight, and he was wearing the tightest, most perfect uniform Ben had ever imagined anyone could wear. Black tight trousers, a white shirt fitted precisely over his chest and shoulders, short sleeved so his arms and elbows were on show, skinny black tie and on his shoulders, black epaulets showing two gold bars. He was stunning and Ben’s mouth went dry.

“Hi,” he managed to croak out and Callum’s smile softened. 

“Are you alright, it can be a bit overwhelming, your first step onto a cruise ship,” he said, reaching out like he wanted to touch Ben’s hand and then pulling his arm back quickly when he’d realised.

“It’s fine,” Ben said, a little abruptly because he was able to look after himself after all. But then he shut his mouth firmly because Callum had to be just the most beautiful man he’d seen in a long time and he had actually made an effort to speak to him, and he’d just been thinking about how long it would take to peel those tight trousers off his legs, so maybe being rude to him wasn’t exactly the best idea. “I mean…” he trailed off, realised his eyes were lingering on the way Callum’s shirt hugged at his waist and snapped them back up to his face. “You never said you worked here,” he said, unable to keep the slightly accusatory tone from his voice. “I was so awful about the whole cruise thing.”

Callum shrugged a little. “It was interesting,” he said, “heard what you really thought about it and it gives me a chance to change your mind. I’m looking forward to the challenge,” and he winked at Ben, ignoring the frown on his face.

“I need a drink,” Ben muttered and then stared as Callum niftily snaffled another glass of champagne from a server and handed it to him with a flourish.

“Let me show you where your cabin is,” he said and he took hold of Ben’s elbow and steered him towards one of the many elevators in the lobby. 

“Why are you doing this?” Ben asked when they were inside the glass lift and watching the people below on the lobby floor grow smaller as they ascended.

Callum’s eyes were soft as he looked down at Ben. “I could spin the whole customer satisfaction spiel,” he said. “But honestly, you looked so tired and down in the dumps and alone and I want you to have fun and to relax and if I can be there to help you then I want to.”

“Well, that’s a bit patronising, isn’t it,” Ben grouched under his breath and didn’t miss the frown that flittered over Callum’s face before it was quickly replaced by a smile, albeit dimmer than earlier.

“Sorry,” he apologised, “I don’t mean to be, I just don’t like to see anyone as unhappy as you looked.”

“Did you organise my VIP entry onto the boat?” Ben asked, suddenly suspicious, things starting to click into place.

“Yeah,” Callum rubbed a hand over his face. “Thought if you had to queue for hours with screaming kids you may decide to just walk away. I’m not being a stalker or anything, I can leave you alone if you prefer.”

“I don’t need you to babysit me for the entirety of this holiday,” Ben retorted bluntly and for a second it looked like Callum’s veneer was going to crack. Luckily, they’d reached the door that Ben presumed was his cabin and Callum used his keycard to unlock it and avoided giving any response. 

He did indeed have a balcony cabin, with a double bed and an area with a small sofa and a TV set in it. The balcony doors were large and opened out onto a smallish but clean area where he could sit and relax and avoid other people if he wanted to. He turned around and for the first time smiled at Callum who was hovering in the open doorway.

“It’s nice, thanks for helping me find it,” he said, forcing himself to be cheerful because he didn’t really want to push Callum away that much, not when he was the only person who’d bothered to speak to him.

“No problem,” Callum said in reply. “Your luggage will be delivered soon and then you can get properly settled in. Look, tomorrow’s a sea day, I know you’re tired now and probably don’t want any more hassle tonight, but give it a chance, please. Get out, find somewhere nice to sit, have a look around at all the things we have on here. And if you’re around at night, it’s the captain's welcome party in the atrium and I’ll be there. Maybe I’ll see you around in the daytime too, if you like.”

“Maybe,” Ben said cautiously, “I’ll see how I feel tomorrow.”

“See you around, Ben,” Callum smiled again at him, softly, gently and hopefully and then he left, shutting the door behind him and Ben was finally alone.

Thinking about what Callum had said to him, he ordered room service and then sat on his balcony, beer in hand, pondering on whether being stupidly angry about being here now he was actually on board was only pointless. Maybe going out and having fun would actually be the best way to get one up on Billy? Or maybe he wouldn’t be able to cope with all the fun and laughter and people that didn’t know him and probably would never even want to talk to him? He didn’t know what he wanted to do.

That night, full of jet lag and travel tiredness, he only left his cabin for the safety briefing, which scared him almost silly with the realisation that if the ship did sink, all he’d have was a measly torch and a tiny whistle attached to a life jacket to save himself with. Maybe Callum was an expert in life saving? That gave him a nice image to think about at least. He then retreated back to his cabin, which was luckily only up the nearest flight of stairs, and watched the sail away from the comfort of his own space. He could hear loud music and voices from the top deck floating down, but he’d had enough of being polite and sociable for one day, so after eating what was quite possibly the best sandwich he’d ever had in his life, he retired to bed for the night.

  
  


Waking up the next day was a bizarre experience, the subtle movement of the ship as she sailed lulling him back to sleep before he was able to even consider getting up. Eventually he dragged himself up and then stood outside, looking at the sun sparkling on the crystal blue ocean, miles and miles of nothing to see, and no one to nag him or tell him what to do and he reflected that maybe Callum had been right, this sailing malarkey was actually pretty nice. With this in mind, he decided that maybe he should give the ship a go and so he dressed and decided to brave finding the restaurant for breakfast.

He’d looked on the TV information channel last night and found out there were four restaurants on board, one of which he was assigned to for dinner and a serve yourself buffet on the top deck. He decided to try the buffet out for his first morning and it was easy to get to as it was just up one flight of stairs so he got there without getting lost. He managed to snag a table for two that he could sit at by himself in a lovely location by a window overlooking the sea. The food again was incredible, cooked to perfection and there was such a massive choice that he spent some time regretfully realising that he would probably put on a stone in extra weight from the food alone if he wasn’t careful. 

Suitably full, he then decided to find somewhere he could sit and watch his downloaded movies and enjoy the view, as far away from loud holidaymakers who were already jumping in the pools and sunbathing on the top deck as he possibly could.

The top deck was already full and so Ben searched and searched until he found a little nook, at the very back of the ship, away from all the noise and people. It was sunny, quiet and even though he could still hear the background noise, it was perfect. He could gaze out of the back of the ship, watching the wake in the sea behind and relax properly. He grabbed a sun lounger, sat down and clicked open his tablet, feeling happy for what felt like the first time in ages.

He must have fallen asleep because a few hours later, he was startled by a shadow falling over him, and, cracking an eye open over his sunglasses, he realised he’d been found, not by an annoying kid or fellow passenger, but by Callum.

Today, he was still wearing those tight black trousers but he had a white polo shirt on, top button open, showing a tantalising glimpse of the hollow of his throat. The shirt was tucked into his belted trousers, showing his waist off to perfection and if Ben hadn’t already realised just how gorgeous he was, he would have been well gone just from that one glimpse of him.

“Hello,” Callum said and he sounded so pleased to see Ben again it was almost a shock. They’d never actually managed to have a full conversation without snapping at each other before and Ben was so unused to people being happy to see him he wasn’t sure what to think. “You’re out and about, I see.”

“Obviously,” Ben said dryly before he could stop himself and then he cursed internally because he’d just been thinking about how hot Callum was and he was still being us dick to him.

Callum didn’t seem to mind, leaning casually against the ship railings. “You look happier today too,” he said.

Ben ignored the urge to snap at him and instead narrowed his eyes. “Why are you here anyway, shouldn’t you be working?”

“I am. I'm on the bridge, trying to help navigate to our first port. But I’m also down for security patrol today and there was a report of a passenger sitting on the stern deck so I thought I’d check it out, on the off chance that there was someone else on board who was grumpy and wanted to avoid every other passenger.”

“Is this out of bounds?” Ben asked, startled and Callum grinned at him.

“No, just unusual to find anyone wants to sit back here instead of with other people,” he said but his smile showed that he wasn’t actually being unkind to Ben.

“Oh,” was all Ben said. “I just wanted some peace and quiet, I can always move if I need to.”

“Nah, you’re alright. And I know where to find you now if I want to argue… I mean talk to somebody, so it’s all good.”

Silence fell between them but it didn’t feel strained at all, it was quietly comfortable despite the fact they’d only known each other for a day. Ben was so bad at small talk and he racked his brains for a question he could ask, for some reason not wanting Callum to move away. “So what do you actually do on board?” he eventually asked. “On top of annoying me, I mean.”

“I’m second officer,” Callum shrugged, gesturing to his shoulders again. “Means I get to do navigational work on the bridge mainly, although security and public relations are also key roles.” He paused for a second, stared off the back of the ship, the wind catching his softly quiffed hair gently. “I’d love to be captain someday, that’s my goal at least. Got a while to go yet, but I’ve just got promoted from third officer, this is my first placement since then so things are going well, I hope.” He turned to look at Ben and he was struck by the blue of his eyes, just like the ocean surrounding them. “What about you?”

“I’m a mechanic,” Ben said, a little stiffly after hearing Callum’s dreams and goals, how would his job even match up to that?

“A mechanic,” Callum smiled at him. “Cool…”

“You don’t need to patronise me,” Ben snapped suddenly and saw the way Callum’s eyes tightened at the rebuke.

“I wasn’t. I was just interested,” he said, holding his hands up in pacification.

But Ben had had enough and he scowled again. “I’m busy, so if you don’t mind,” he said pointedly as he picked his tablet up and hid his head. He heard Callum sigh and then felt him move away and it was only when he was sure he was alone that he flung his tablet down and covered his eyes. He was an idiot. He knew that, always trying to wreck things before they hurt him, but Callum didn’t know that and he guessed he had messed up whatever was going on between them before it even had time to get started.

  
  


It was around an hour later when he was disturbed again from his dark thoughts but this time by a waiter carrying a tray with a bottle of beer on. He put it down in front of a bemused Ben. “I didn’t order this,” he said.

“Compliments of the second officer,” the waiter said with a smile and left Ben alone. But all day, just when he’d finished one bottle off, a waiter would turn up with a variety of drinks, cocktails, water, soft drinks, more beer, all from the second officer and Ben could feel the way his heart was constricting at the thought of the fact that Callum was still thinking of him. He wanted to see Callum, to talk to him properly, to not argue with him for once and he guessed that the best thing to do was to actually attend the captain’s gala that night and try to see him there. Plus he felt he at least should attempt to see what the ship had to offer for one night, even if he then stayed in his cabin for the rest of the trip.

Of course, to make things worse, it was a formal night and Ben had deliberately left all his proper suits at home. So an hour before his dinner slot, he had to buy a ridiculously overpriced tie from one of the boutiques to go with his dark jeans and shirt combination and just hoped that he wasn’t scrutinised too heavily by anyone in security. 

When he was ready, he took his keycard and the map from his cabin and then set off to try to find his restaurant. It took nearly half an hour and countless wrong turns which almost made him throw the map overboard and stomp off to his cabin in disgust - if he’d have thought he’d been able to find his cabin again that was. At least now he’d discovered the ship had an open air cinema, a massive theatre, a casino and countless bars so he could at least drown his sorrows and hopefully find someone to roll him back to his cabin in the worst case scenario.

At last, he managed to locate the restaurant in the midship section, and he was so exhausted when the manager asked him if he was willing to share a table that he said yes without even thinking. He thought they would place him with maybe another solo traveller, but as the waiter led him through the impressive restaurant he realised in horror that he was being seated with two young people who were obviously a couple. He thought about turning around and running off, but before he could do anything, the waiter had pulled out a chair for him and he had no choice but to sit down opposite them with a half grimace, half smile on his face.

“Hi!” the young man greeted him with a wide smile. “I’m Keegan and this is Tiff. We’re on our honeymoon.”

“Ben,” he said, gripping Keegan’s hand and trying to look interested in the large ring Tiff was flashing at him. This couldn’t be any worse, not just a couple, but one just married, probably all lovey dovey, he wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to cope with the situation.

“Are you waiting for your wife or girlfriend?” Tiff asked and Ben considered lying for a wild second.

In the end he went with the truth. “No, just me unfortunately. Besides, it would be a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.”

“Oh…” Tiff said, looking flustered for a second before the smile appeared back on her face. “I…”

Keegan started to laugh besides her and she turned to scowl at him. “What?” she hissed.

“Your face,” Keegan laughed, for she’d started to turn a rather startling shade of red. “Don’t worry, some of our good friends are gay.”

“You can’t just say that, Keeg!” Tiff protested vehemently which made Keegan chuckle even louder.

“That’s a shame,” Ben said dryly, liking them more than he’d thought he would. “A few of my good friends are straight too, you know. I guess that’s how it works.”

“Very funny,” Tiff said, now glaring at him as well.

Keegan just laughed again, and held the bottle of wine on the table out towards Ben. “You want a glass?” he asked and Ben decided that yes, he did like him.

“I’d love one,” he said then hesitated a second. “As long as you’re sure I’m not intruding.”

“Nah, mate. It’s only been us for a few days now. It’s nice to have some other company,” Keegan said as he poured a glass of wine and even Ben, with his lack of social skills, winced at the comment as it was not really the sort of thing a newly wed husband should be saying about the love of his life. In fact, Tiff’s expression had gone so tight he knew he was right.

“I’ve never been on a cruise before, have you?” Ben asked into the suddenly cold air between them.

“Yes,” Tiff said,eyes fixed on Keegan. “With an ex boyfriend. I came back single. He pissed me off one too many times, you see.” She gave Keegan a meaningful look but he just smiled at her fondly and touched her cheek

“Don’t let her order the steak, Ben,” he said cheerfully with a grin. “The soup will be a better choice I think.”

Tiff swotted him away. “I can still gut you with a blunt spoon,” she threatened but Ben could see the fondness in both their eyes and realised with a jolt this was like some sort of drawn out foreplay. Then he wished he could unthink the images that had given him.

  
  


Dinner passed quickly with surprisingly good company - helped substantially by the three bottles of wine they put away - and after finding out he was going to the captain's gala, Tiff tucked her hand in his arm and led him out of the restaurant and towards the main atrium. He had the distinct feeling he’d just been adopted but when Tiff pushed her way through to the front by the railing he found he didn’t mind too much. He had a good view from here, of the plaza floor, where there was a massive tower of champagne glasses and of the alcove where he could see some officers already standing around. He tried to spot Callum but couldn’t see him and so decided to focus on the free glass of champagne that Keegan had just handed him. Even if he had been drinking all day and was at least a bottle of wine down all ready, it was free alcohol after all.

It was then that he felt a brush to his arm and turning slightly he saw Callum, leaning on the railing next to him and smiling gently. He looked handsome, in his all white formal uniform that may have made someone else look stuffy or overdressed, on Callum it was just sheer perfection. His long sleeved jacket was tantalisingly buttoned all the way up, gold buttons gleaming in the light, trousers still tight and leaving little to the imagination as they were so white and he was holding a hat, twirling it between the fingers of the hand that was further away from Ben. He gaped at the sight before him, mouth suddenly dry as his eyes dropped over the way the uniform hugged Callum, it was like he’d been poured into it, but he snapped his eyes back up to his face when he spoke. “You made it then,” he said and he sounded so happy to see Ben that he was surprised. No one had ever appeared that happy to see him before.

“Looks like it,” Ben said in reply, then he paused for effect before drawling, “nice outfit.” He raised an eyebrow and let his eyes drift again, trying to disguise how much he actually did like the way it fitted the other man.

Callum rolled his eyes and plucked at the material of the white trousers. “Yeah, right,” he muttered and for the first time since Ben had met him his smile and eyes both seemed dimmed. “It’s all a status symbol, isn’t it? I hate it so much. The way the minute you put it on it’s like you’re a free slab of meat for anyone to pawn over and grab hold of and just flirt with. It’s like they see the uniform and not me at all.”

He shook his head slightly. “Sorry,” he apologised. “I shouldn’t say things like that and I love my job.”

For the first time, Ben gazed around and saw exactly what Callum meant, women and some men staring over at them, thought back to when he’d seen officers around the ship and they always seemed to have someone trying to talk to them and he suddenly understood more than he had before. He tried to make light of the situation. “Nothing to apologise for,” he said gently. “It’s understandable. You are you after all, not just a set of white clothes. Although, have you seen the competition? Really, if all the other officers are bald and old and fat, there’s no wonder why they all want a piece of you.”

Callum spluttered a little at that but the smile was back on his face. “Thanks,” he said and he nudged his elbow against Ben’s. “Even if it doesn’t change anything, it means a lot to me that you don’t think I’m old or fat. Or bald, it takes me ages to get my hair right every morning!”

“It is nice hair,” Ben grinned back, nudging his elbow back.

“What do you think of the ship then?”

“It’s massive,” Ben half complained. “Took me ages to find my restaurant and now I have to try to re-find my cabin, on top of the wine I drank with dinner. I may get so lost that I end up sleeping in the casino. I found that at least ten times on my way to the restaurant.”

Callum laughed at that and they settled into a comfortable silence which was broken when he spotted the captain waving at him. “I’d better go and be introduced,” he said with a rueful smile. “I’ll come and find you after, if you like. I can help you find your cabin again, don’t want you getting lost.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Ben managed to say, blinded by the smile that was bestowed on him once again and watched Callum’s arse as he walked away through the crowds before remembering just what they’d talked about and looking away quickly.

He didn’t remember much of the ceremony itself, watching as the cheer Callum got was by far the loudest when he was introduced, noticing the way his cheeks flushed a deep red, deliberately ignoring the way his eyes found Ben in the crowd as he waved. But he was well aware when Callum came back to him, after the crowd had started to disperse and after Keegan and Tiff had shared more champagne with him before leaving him with promises to meet for the first port visit the next day. Buzzing on alcohol, he was pleasantly surprised when Callum took his arm and propelled him gently from the plaza. “ Come on, let’s get you back to your cabin before you do something stupid, like fall overboard,” he said softly as they pushed through the remaining people.

“I’ll never find my way around!” Ben declared, patting the wall fondly as he passed it, happy that at least that wasn’t moving.

Callum shook his head. “Look, it’s easy enough. Odd rooms are on the port side, evens on the starboard. And the fish on the carpet point towards the bow so you can’t get too lost once you’re on the right deck.”

“Port….” Ben trailed off and was embarrassed at Callum’s laugh.

“Left and right and the bow is the front,” he explained. “And you’re on deck 10, port side. Here, see,” and he gestured to the side of the ship that Ben’s cabin was on like it was the easiest thing in the world. Ben scowled a little but followed him, letting him point out the swimming fish and walk them along the corridor in the right direction.

When they were close to Ben’s cabin, Callum cleared his throat like he was nervous. “It was nice that you came out,” he started to say but Ben interrupted, the alcohol making the statement seem strange in his head and he was unable to think straight and just did what he did best and reacted.

“Excuse me?” was all he said, but the tone of his voice had changed, colder and he saw that Callum had noticed.

“Out of your cabin?” he explained quickly. “I seem to remember you threatening to spend the whole trip in it?” His explanation was innocent but Ben wasn’t thinking right and bristled at the implication behind it all.

“Fuck you,” he snapped, before he could get his brain to engage properly with his mouth, and, brain addled by booze and sun, he opened his door, rushed inside and slammed it in Callum’s face.

Inside, the flare of temper left him almost immediately and he pressed his forehead against the door, regretting his actions. He’d spent the whole evening imagining how it would feel getting Callum out of that damn uniform. And he’d been right there, outside Ben’s cabin, before he’d let his big mouth and stupid temper spoil it.

He opened the door and peered down the corridor but to no real surprise, Callum was nowhere to be seen.

Sighing, Ben went back inside and hid in the toilet, splashing some cold water onto his face and glaring at himself in the mirror. “And you are the reason we can’t have nice things,” he told himself sternly. “You utter knobhead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I really like the idea of Callum in uniform.... 😊


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covid weekend duty now over and done with, so I can now post this chapter!

The next day Ben woke up with the hangover from hell, head pounding, mouth feeling like sandpaper and the horrible memory of what he’d said to Callum the night before. The cabin felt like the ship was in the middle of a gale force storm with how much it was pitching around but it was only when he managed to sit up that he realised they were actually in port and it was his own brain that was making room feel like it was moving. Groaning, he forced himself up to his feet and pulled the curtains back to see that it was later than he’d planned to wake up, they were docked in the Bahamas already and he was looking out over a small area of turquoise blue ocean to a thin, narrow, bright green strut of land and beyond that, to the sparkling Caribbean Sea. It was beautiful, and it made him even more angry with himself that he’d missed them sailing in, yet another thing that he’d have disappointed Callum with. 

Being as he’d already missed out on the sail in, he considered staying in his cabin, moping around on the balcony all day, because what was the point of doing anything if he was going to sabotage it all? However, the pull of bright sunlight and fresh air and the gorgeous blue sky and sea he could see outside was enough to make him change his mind. Groaning and moving slowly, he showered and got dressed and decided he needed to force himself to grab a late and hangover friendly breakfast before he could even consider leaving the ship. 

Sitting at a table in the buffet, overlooking the same view as from his balcony and nursing a cup of coffee and a plate of Danish pastries, he was almost pleased when he spotted Keegan and Tiff rolling into the restaurant too and he’d waved at them before he could think twice. They looked as bad as he felt and was sure he looked. Tiff had large sunglasses on, covering her eyes even indoors and when she peered over the top of them as she sat down opposite him, her eyes were red and bloodshot. “I’m blaming you, Ben,” she said, pointing a finger accusingly at him. “I’ve never been this hungover in my life.”

Ben’s self estimation of his own hangover shot up at this point, he’d been drinking all day as well as with them during the night and he seemed in much better shape than both of them. He almost thought he'd come off well with the whole hangover thing, until he thought about Callum and how he’d been the one plying him with drinks and that awful conversation they’d had and his mood soured again.

“You’re alive though,” he said dryly and hid a smile at her frown.

“Only barely, you’d think, by the amount of complaining she’s been doing,” Keegan confided as he sat down too, rather gingerly.

Tiff had by now pulled off her sunglasses and was eyeing Ben’s plate enviously. “Are you still coming into Nassau with us?” she asked innocently. “Keegan, sweetie, can you pop and get me a cup of coffee please? And some of those pastries Ben has.”

Keegan looked at her suspiciously. “What happened to the ‘I think I’m dying, I couldn’t eat or drink anything in case I throw up’ line, darling,” he asked

“I never said anything so dramatic, babe, don’t be so silly,” Tiff said and waved him off quite cheerfully, missing the raised eyebrows Keegan threw at Ben as he went to find what she’d asked for. She now turned all her attention to Ben. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you avoiding my question, Ben. You can’t just sit and mope all day, you know, you need to make the most of being here and being in the sun.”

Ben wondered what he’d ever done to be saddled with a handful of quite possibly the most happy people he’d ever met in his life all at the same time when all he wanted to do was just wallow in self pity. Tiff was still waiting for an answer so in the end he mumbled, “ok, fine, I’ll give it a go, if only to keep you off my back. Sunburn, muggers and all.”

Tiff just grinned at him. “Grumpy bugger,” she said. “I bet you’ll love it here. I’ll buy you a bottle of wine if you do.”

In the end, they walked off the ship together but whilst Tiff was distracted by the market stalls on the dock and Keegan was watching her fondly, Ben managed to give them the slip and get away from them. He liked them both, they were lovely, but they were also so in love and coupley and just so happy and he knew that it would have been too much spending the entire day with them. He actually managed to spend a couple of happy hours wandering around Nassau, around the charming downtown area, finding the famous straw market and buying a carving of a dolphin that he thought he may give to Billy when he got home, and ending up on a lovely beach, a little out of the way of the main tourist area, quiet but beautiful with white sand and turquoise waters lapping along the edge of the shore. He walked around a little and then sat and just enjoyed the peace and quiet, but try as he might, his thoughts kept on drifting back to Callum. He guessed he owed him yet another apology, and decided that he would try to find him that night and this time not put his foot in it so much.

He made his way back to the ship with plenty of time to spare, catching sight of Keegan and Tiff in the queue to get back on board. They seemed pleased to see him once Tiff had gotten over her annoyance of how he’d just ‘ditched’ them, even if the grin Keegan gave him showed he had minded too much. They’d had a nice day and insisted on showing him what they’d bought and the multitude of photos they’d taken which he managed to make appropriate noises over even if he was quickly fed up of seeing them in the same pose in lots of different places. At least they were making the effort to talk to him and he was more thankful for that than he wanted to admit to himself.

They made arrangements to share a table with him for dinner that night and then once they were in the ship, they went to their cabin for the sail away and he was thankfully left alone. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them - they were like puppy dogs, so eager and happy and he bet no one could actually dislike them - but he was still determined to hate this holiday and anything that made him think differently deserved to be pushed so far down inside him that it could never surface. 

He grabbed a few bottles of beer from one of the bars on his way to his cabin and following Callum’s tips, it only took him half an hour to find it this time. Sitting on his balcony, drinking the cold beers and watching as the ship eventually set sail, with a loud blast on her horn, made him realise that actually, this was not a bad way to have spent a day.

At least the dress code that night was casual and so Ben dressed in jeans and a smart T-shirt and made his way to the restaurant to meet Keegan and Tiff. They were already at the same table as the night before with a bottle of wine ready and it felt like it was now the norm to join them with an easy smile.

Halfway through the meal, he noticed Callum. He hadn’t been expecting him, thinking he’d try to see him later on, in one of the bars or around the ship, and he almost choked on a mouthful of food. There were a handful of officers, in their semi formal dress, walking around the restaurant, chatting and talking to the guests and Callum was more or less opposite him, easy to spot and to watch. He looked good, so good that Ben had to grab hold of his hands to stop himself fiddling nervously with them. Back in the same uniform as on the first day, tight white shirt and obscene trousers, the way they showed off his thighs and arse as he bent down to talk to a child made Ben go all light headed. Part of him hoped Callum would come over to their table, the other half didn’t know how he would be able to handle it if he did in front of Keegan and Tiff. 

Keeping an eye on the other man whilst trying to eat and act normal was more difficult than he thought to start with, until he realised exactly what Callum was doing. Smiling, touching people’s arms, laughing and chatting like they were the only thing he was interested in, he was charming his way around the dining room. Ben had the sudden horrible realisation that he’d got everything wrong, that what he’d taken for interest in him was probably just Callum doing this, doing his job, flirting with the passengers. He looked down, flustered, pretending he was interested only in the food on the table, suddenly miserable and upset with himself and so missed the minute that Callum realised that he was there and therefore the looks that were sent over to where he was sitting. It wasn’t Callum’s fault after all, he was just doing his job. Ben was the one who’d let himself think too much of the whole situation.

Ben ate as quickly as he could and was so thankful when the others had also finished their meal that he made any excuse to get out and away from where Callum was working his way towards them. “I’m going to the top deck bar,” he said to Keegan and Tiff. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow in Jamaica?”

“Don’t you want coffee?” Tiff said but Ben shook his head and stood up quickly. 

“No, I’m skipping it, just fancy a night drinking, to be honest,” he lied, keeping an eye on where Callum was.

“We could come with you?” Keegan suggested, “a night drinking sounds fun.”

Even though Tiff swiped at him with her napkin, she was smiling and nodding too and Ben managed to get them both out of the restaurant before he had to deal with the issue of Callum getting too close and speaking to them.

They spent the rest of the night drinking and forgetting tall, dark, handsome officers and by the time Keegan tried to pull Tiff off to bed, Ben was pleasantly intoxicated. His mind was still racing, at how badly he’d misconstrued everything and feeling both downhearted and annoyed at himself for starting to believe Callum had cared about him. He was only doing his job, after all. Ben was nothing special.

He stayed at the table, alone as usual, overlooking the top deck with the twinkling fairy lights strung between the decks, nursing a whiskey, feeling more and more sorry for himself. He could just make out Tiff outside the bar, talking to someone and Keegan pulling at her arm when he was brought out of his sombre thoughts by the presence of somebody close by. Turning around, he saw Callum, leaning against a pillar, regarding him with serious eyes. 

“Hi,” he said slowly. “I hoped I would see you around, been looking for you for a while.”

“Really?” Ben couldn’t help the acidic tone that entered his voice the minute he realised it was Callum next to him. He knew Callum spotted it too, a frown flitting over his face before being wiped off as quickly as he’d seen it appear.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Callum said and for the first time since they’d met he seemed awkward.

“Didn’t seem like it this evening,” Ben snapped and Callum’s face turned deeply unhappy.

“You are so….,” he started and then he cut himself off. “You drive me crazy,” he finished and Ben knew that wasn’t what he had planned to say.

“You should just speak your mind,” he said tartly. “I like a man who does that. Not swayed by others. Someone with a backbone.”

“I can’t,” Callum said and now he sounded resigned. “I’m supposed to be nice to the passengers, not tell them how annoying and irritating they’re being. I’ll be sacked.”

Ben looked up at him and for the first time realised how much of what he saw of Callum was a front put on for the passengers, that what he’d been privy too was actually the real man behind the uniform. But he was unable to get the images of earlier and the way he’d felt from his mind. “You seemed to be having a nice time tonight, flirting with all those women,” he said and he couldn’t stop the hurt from bleeding into his voice.

Callum looked at him, face softening as he seemed to understand what was going on in Ben’s head. “It’s part of the job description,” he said, a lot more gently than before. “A little light flirting. They like to think you’re approachable and attainable, even if they’re really not your type. It’s the worst thing about this job, I hate it, but it’s expected. Plus in this damn uniform I get so many handsy people touching me and leery looks, they don’t care about how much I had to work to get this position.”

Ben took a breath, understanding this was a tentative olive branch being held out. He remembered all he’d been thinking about all day, wanting to see Callum and apologise, and after all, he had sought him out again out of all the people on the ship. Maybe he did think of Ben as more than just a passenger after all? “I was just wondering when my share of the light flirting would be happening, since when I see you all I get is irritable and annoyed,” Ben eventually settled on saying, with a roll of his eyes but a small smile to let Callum know he was half teasing.

Callum laughed a little at that, his face lightning up and he was so beautiful that Ben couldn’t help himself. “You want to stay for a drink? Maybe we can actually talk properly for a while.” he asked.

Callum looked at his watch and then nodded. “Yeah, ok, I’m almost off shift,” he said and before Ben could think twice, about if this was a good idea or not, he sat down in the chair opposite, long legs folded under the table, slumped and relaxed. He ordered an orange juice and another drink for Ben off one of the servers and then looked at him over the table. “How was Nassau?”

“How did you know I went off?” Ben asked suspiciously.

“I like to keep my eyes on passengers I find interesting,” Callum said with a wink and a smile and Ben couldn’t quite make out if that was sweet or a bit creepy. Callum laughed at the expression that must have been on his face, “I was on the deck this morning, saw you get off the ship.” he explained once he’d finished giggling.

Ben relented, how could he not in the face of the most beautiful smile he thought he’d ever seen. “It was nice,” he said, “lovely beaches, nice little town.”

“So you enjoyed it?” Callum pressed. “Better than the inside of your cabin?”

“In my defence, I was planning on sitting on my balcony, not inside,” Ben said, aiming for annoyed but missing the mark by some way and he knew Callum could tell by the way he leant backwards, arms draped over the chair, looking so relaxed and like he belonged there opposite Ben it made him feel all emotional and want this for the rest of the holiday.

“I’m glad,” he said sincerely. “Glad you’re giving this a go. I’d hate for you to go home in a worse state than you were when you came here.”

“I’m gonna leave the size of a whale, with all this food available,” Ben grumbled and was gratified by another laugh from Callum and he realised he didn’t want this to end, the first real conversation he’d had with someone he found interesting in what felt like years. “So, what do you think about Nassau? We can compare notes”

“I’ve never been,” Callum admitted, looking straight at Ben. “I’m a Caribbean virgin.”

Ben had just taken a gulp of beer but at that bland statement he almost choked on it, spluttering at the image that had given him. When he was able to, he shook his head in amusement at Callum’s innocent face. 

“What a statement,” he said and he couldn’t help the smile that spilt his face in half.

“I’ve been working the European scene for a while,” Callum explained, looking pleased that he’d managed to make Ben look happy. “Worked my way up to second officer and then this position came up, covering maternity leave for six months, so I applied for it and got it. The captain here is one of the best in the company and I thought it would give me the chance to develop myself and maybe aim for first officer soon. So all these places are new to me too. I can’t get off the ship in all of the ports obviously. You’ll have to meet me every night and tell me what they’re all like.”

Ben felt warm at the idea that Callum was asking to meet up with him, but he still couldn’t get the sight of him flirting with every single person in the restaurant out of his head. “You could ask one of those pretty ladies you were chatting to tonight?” he asked, aiming for casual but sure Callum could hear the strain in his voice.

Callum sat up straight at that. “Really not my type,” he said, carefully, and Ben’s heart leapt in his chest. 

“Oh,” was all he said, in the same careful tone and they both took a long sip from their drinks, keeping eyes on each other over the rims of their glasses in the dim light of the bar.

Callum put his drink back down and gestured over to the doorway, “I think one of your friends wants you,” he said and he looked a little disappointed. Ben wasn’t planning on going anywhere, but he turned around in his chair to see Tiff waving at him. There was a man chatting to Keegan further down the corridor, the one she’d been talking to earlier and once she saw Ben was looking, she started making large arm movements towards him, giving him the thumbs up signal and raising her eyebrows suggestively.

“He’s single,” she mouthed largely and slowly.

“So?” Ben shrugged back at her.

“And gay,” she added and Ben was mortified. Feeling his face flush a bright red, he ignored Lola and turned back around to see Callum staring at him, a look of horror on his face.

“You’re gay,” he said and Ben was even more upset.

“Yeah, is that a problem,” he snapped, and he couldn’t help the hurt that must have been in his eyes.

Callum reached out for him, hand on his arm. “No, no, of course not,” he said quickly and Ben relaxed immediately, the pressure and warmth of Callum’s hand making goosebumps appear on his skin. “I’m gay too, you idiot, I told you earlier. No, I was thinking, do you know when you replay a conversation over and over in your head trying to figure out where it all went wrong and you can’t work out what stupid thing you’ve just said…”

“Normally it’s the minute I open my mouth,” Ben said dryly and Callum’s hand tightened around his arm, eyes blazing.

“That’s not true,” he said fiercely. “You’re fine. You’re wonder…” he cut himself off, shaking his head, like he didn’t believe he was allowed to say whatever he was going to say about Ben. It made Ben’s chest hurt and heart leap and the tingly feeling of anticipation settle in his stomach - there was surely no way he was misreading this now? “It’s me. I’ve spent so long wondering what I did last night. We were getting on so well, I was enjoying myself so much and then you went all cold and horrible and I couldn’t figure out what I’d done. It was that stupid crack about coming out of your cabin, wasn’t it? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to be rude.”

There was so much to take on from that statement, Ben felt his head spinning a little. Callum had been worried about him, had been thinking about him, had enjoyed spending time with him, had sought him out to try to talk to him tonight as well, and had apologised for making him feel awful. He’d never met anyone like this before. “It’s ok,” he said, and he meant it. “I’ve been feeling down for a while and then I’d had all that alcohol, I was a bit sensitive. It wasn’t you at all. I felt bad afterwards. I wanted to apologise to you too.”

Callum smiled at him, a warm, private smile that made Ben’s toes curl. “No need to apologise,” he said and he released Ben’s arm and held up his glass. “New beginnings?”

They clinked glasses, with a shared smile, and Ben could feel warmth spreading all through his body, a telltale sign of how much he was attracted to this man. “So, do you really want to meet me every night to talk about the places we visit?” he asked, trying for a little light flirting himself.

Callum brightened at that, and Ben’s breath caught at how beautiful he really was. “Yeah, I’d love to,” he said, “but actually, now we’ve sorted stuff out, I have a favour to ask you?”

“What?” Ben asked and he was instantly wary.

“So, tomorrow I’m only on bridge duty when we leave port, it’s my first time being in charge of the navigation when we’re maneuvering from the dock. But during the day I have to chaperone a tour, my first one here. It would be nice if there was a friendly face around to help me if I need it. So I was wondering if you wanted to come on the tour with me?”

Ben was sure his face was a picture, was this a date offer? “Chaperoning?”

“Yeah, I’ve got to make sure that they don’t lose or hurt any of the passengers. A lot of counting of heads and lurking around the back of the group but I get to do the tour too which should be cool.”

“Why not ask any of the other crew members?” Ben was astounded. “I mean, if you think my face is friendly, then what must the rest be like?”

“Your face is friendly, and I know you…. well, I got to spend a lot of time with you on the plane and I want to know you better,” Callum protested. “Besides,” he added slowly. “This is going to sound silly, but they all know each other and they’ve all been so friendly and welcoming but they have their own little groups already and I’m….” His voice trailed off and Ben understood, having felt like that himself too many times. He reached forward this time and let his hand cover Callum’s arm, feeling the shudder in the other man as their skin touched. “You feel like you’re the new kid at school,” he said gently.

“Yeah,” Callum said, eyes glued to Ben’s. “It’s silly, I know…”

“It’s not silly,” Ben said firmly. “Ok, fine, I’ll do it for you.”

“Really?” Callum smiled so widely and he moved his arm so Ben’s hand was covering his. “I’d like that a lot, Ben.”

“So what time are we meeting and what are we doing?”

Callum looked a little shifty, even as his face broke into a broader smile. “We’re going to a rum plantation and climbing the Dunn river falls, meeting at 7am in the theatre. I’ll meet you outside, so I can give you your ticket, is that ok?” He stood up, ready to leave, dropping a wave at the server and bestowing yet another blinding smile on Ben, so blinding in fact, he almost forgot the issue he had with the plans Callum had just dropped on him.

“Wait, 7am….“ he called after Callum. “Are you joking? I’m on holiday!?!”

Callum turned around in the doorway. “I’ll see you there, Ben, looking forward to it!” he called back, ignoring what Ben had just said and then he was gone, leaving a slightly breathless Ben behind him


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning it was still dark when Ben woke up, but when he stepped outside onto his balcony, the ship was already moored and he could hear the noise of the sea lapping against the shore, birds calling in the trees and the unmistakable bustle of people and animals in the market area at the port. He leant his arms on the railing and let his mind think back to the conversation he’d had with Callum last night. Was this a date? Or was Callum just trying to be friendly, feeling alone himself as he was new to the ship and just latching onto anyone that had taken any interest in him? He couldn’t quite make out what was going on but he knew what he wanted. It had been ages since he’d had that familiar fluttering in his stomach that showed he was attracted to someone and last night, in his bed, Callum had been all he could think about. But the more he thought about it, what he wanted, what he hoped would happen, the more nervous he became. Why would Callum ever want someone like him? He couldn’t see how two completely opposite people would ever be able to make things work.

Sighing, he made his way to grab a light breakfast, amazed at the fact he could now find the buffet without getting lost once, and then he went onto the theatre. Now he understood the rough layout of the ship and he knew the theatre was at the front of the ship (the stern, he told himself out loud firmly, managing to scare an elderly couple who were walking past him) it was actually easy to find.

As he turned the corner, he could see Callum, standing behind one of the tables that had been laid out to corral the passengers into the right areas for their tours, chatting to a young girl who was dressed in the blue T-shirt of the excursions team. Callum himself was in casual clothes and Ben found they did just as much to him as the uniform he’d been modelling since the ship had left Florida. Today he was wearing a green polo neck T-shirt and shorts that came to just above his knees and he looked so delicious Ben almost stopped still and drooled. It was only the fact that he knew there was a family with six kids directly behind him that stopped him from doing that and made him carry on like nothing was happening to his insides. 

Callum looked up as he drew closer and the smile that appeared on his face took Ben’s breath away - no one had ever looked that happy to see him before. “Hi,” he called and waved Ben over. “This is my plus one for the tour,” he explained to the girl he was with, who beamed at him and handed Ben a bright yellow sticker with the number 7 printed on it along with his ticket. 

Ben was torn between turning red in pleasure at being called Callum’s plus one and staring at the yellow sticker in dismay. “You haven’t got a sticker,” he grumbled to Callum. “It’s like I’m a child that needs herding around.”

Callum picked his backpack up and came around the table, shepherding Ben into the theatre that was filling up with rows and rows of passengers waiting for their tours. He made his way over to where the row of other yellow sevens were sitting. “I have my name badge instead,” he said, ignoring Ben’s complaint. “That’s worse - I bet I’ll get hassled well before the tour’s over. Besides, I can’t lose you, can I? I’d miss you too much.” He leaned in and whispered conspiringly into Ben’s ear. “Trust me, they need stickers. They’ll forget their bus, they’ll forget what tour they’re on, they’ll forget everything, particularly once they’ve tasted all that rum. I need the stickers to make sure I get them all back on the right bus without losing any of them.”

They had to wait for a few minutes until they were called to leave the ship and Ben took that time to look at Callum without trying to make it seem like he was checking him out. It was clear he was well liked by the passengers, many of them stopping for a chat and a smile on the way to their own rows. His smiley face and easy manner made it simple for people to like him and want to talk to him and Ben could see that in each and every person that wanted a word with him. He was still pondering how and why he’d been included into the pull of his orbit when their bus was called and Callum pulled him to the back of the queue with a soft smile. It was a different smile to the ones he’d been giving the passengers, private and warm and just for Ben and it made a flame start in his stomach and erupt through his entire body. “They’ve reserved us a seat at the back of the coach, if that’s OK with you?” he asked gently, hand still warm on Ben’s arm.

“Of course that’s OK, I mean, I’m getting a trip for free after all so I guess I can cope with sharing a seat with you,” Ben joked, just to see that smile again.

They settled onto the double seat at the back of the coach after Callum had done his first headcount and as the drive started to Dunn’s River, Ben tried not to notice the fact that they were pressed close together, his thigh warm against Callum’s. Callum didn’t move away and so he relaxed into the contact, enjoying the points where their skin was touching. The tour leader had told them they were around an hour and a half away from the falls and so they sat back in their chairs and talked about everything and anything, something Ben had missed being able to do for a long time, not having anyone else at home that he trusted as much as he did this man that he’d only met the other day.

“How did you decide to become an officer?” he asked Callum idly.

“I was always interested in ships,” Callum shrugged. “I used to work over the summer holidays when I was at school on a local fishing vessel and I just got hooked. There’s nothing like waking up every morning somewhere new, with the wind in your hair and the expanse of ocean just there, not judging you or telling you crap. It helps to keep your mind sorted, if you know what I mean. I just love it. And I always knew I wanted to be a captain eventually so I went to maritime college, got a cadet apprenticeship and just worked my way up through the ranks. Was the youngest second officer in the company, they’ve been good to me, so I felt I had to take the chance to work here to pay them back in a way.”

He shot a glance over at Ben out of the side of his eye. “What about you, always wanted to be a mechanic?”

“No,” Ben said slowly. He’d never really been embarrassed about what he did for a living but following that surety that Callum seemed to have always had, the way he’d worked so hard for what he had achieved, he felt a little overwhelmed to admit what a failure his life was. “I have qualifications in engineering, got a degree and everything from university, but it never really worked out for me. I needed a job, so when Billy, my sort of cousin, offered me a job as a mechanic I couldn’t say no to it.”

“You like it?”

“Not really. It pays the bills, keeps me occupied, but it’s not what I wanted out of life, you know,” Ben said quietly, being well aware that he’d never said this to anyone before.

“You could still change your career, you’re young enough,” Callum suggested lightly. “There’s lots of jobs out there you could do.”

There was a part of Ben that wanted to say more, about his family, about how he had no one to go back to and how he hated it, but that was too heavy to admit to on a potential first date. So he changed the subject, and luckily Callum took the hint and they spoke about more trivial things until they reached the river.

There was a half hour walk to get to the waterfall from the coach park, which Ben was not prepared for in any way shape or form considering he’d never even planned to leave the ship, let alone be dragged on a tour. However, Callum was chaperoning at the back and so they tripped along next to each other at a sedate pace, following the rest of the passengers almost idly, concentrating more on each other than on the scenery around them. The walk through the forest was nice enough, even if his eyes were more focused on the calves and biceps of the man next to him, and it seemed Callum had done his research about where they were at least, pointing out trees and birds in the lush undergrowth and talking about what to expect when they got to the waterfall.

“How do we climb a waterfall anyway?” Ben eventually asked, “doesn’t it just pour down a rock face or something?”

Callum gave him a rather surprised look and took his elbow to steady him as they crossed a bridge over the river they were going to be climbing later on. “It’s a travertine waterfall,” he said, helping steady Ben as they crossed but when they were over he didn’t remove his hand and Ben found he did not mind in the slightest, despite having no idea what they were talking about.

“A what?”

“Made from hot springs? It’s got lots of ledges, like steps. We climb right in the middle of the river up these ledges until we get to the top.” he explained, and he looked Ben over, slowly and carefully, eyes lingering on his calves and thighs. “Have you brought any other clothes?”

“No,” Ben said, “because I didn’t realise that climbing the falls actually meant getting wet in the river. I thought we’d have a nice hike on a path up the side of it and just take lots of photos.”

Callum laughed, fingers tightening on Ben’s elbow and it suddenly didn’t matter because Ben would do anything to keep that look on his face. “I have a spare pair of swimming trunks and a spare towel, just in case one of the other passengers forgot theirs,” he said. “But I’d much rather you use them.” 

“Trying to get me into your clothes already,” Ben joked, and was rewarded by the softest pink blush that settled over Callum’s cheeks.

The area by the base of the falls was a bustling place, with areas to get changed in and Callum handed over his spare towel and trunks and Ben got changed, trying hard not to think about the fact he was wearing Callum’s clothes, and swimming clothes at that. When he got back, Callum was only in his trunks and it took everything he had not to gape at him because whilst he was gorgeous and half naked, he was attracted to so much more than that. After replaying the conversations they’d had on board, he didn’t want to allow Callum to think it was only his looks he was interested in. Callum handed him a pair of waterproof shoes with a shy smile, turning even pinker as he gazed at Ben in his trunks, eyes lingering on his chest and at his waist and Ben was actually thankful for their guides interruption to start the climb because it was clear both of them were a little preoccupied with each other.

Climbing the waterfall was fun, from the perfect white sand beach at the bottom to just watching the passengers screaming and laughing as they slipped on the rocks, rolling their eyes at some of the more dramatic antics. They stood on the beach for a while, watching as the tour before the one they were with started the climb and then Callum nudged him. “Do you know this beach was in Dr No?” he asked, with a rather cheeky grin. “I’ve always wanted to be James Bond. Was a dream of mine when I was a kid.”

“If you’re Sean Connery, does that make me Ursula?” Ben asked, and was rewarded by the prettiest blush he’d seen yet on Callum’s cheeks. 

The water they were in was pleasantly warm in the bright sunshine as they started the climb themselves. The rocks that formed the ledges rising all the way to the top of the falls were slippery under Ben’s feet and so it seemed like it was acceptable to grab out for Callum and to feel his hand gripping onto his tightly, just for help of course. There were a few moments when the waterfall itself seemed to want to try to grab hold of Ben’s feet and propel him back down the way they’d come up, but Callum’s hand and firm grip and sure feet in front of him didn’t falter once. In fact, the nicest part was quite possibly being behind Callum and watching his arse and thighs as he climbed just ahead, turning round to help Ben when the way was tricky, and the way his hand felt, twined with Ben’s own as they made a human chain to help get everyone up, was just perfect.

About half way up, Callum turned around with a large grin on his face and whispered, “fancy being a bit of a rebel?” and at Ben’s rather startled nod, he pulled him off course, grabbed hold of a ledge above him and started to make his own way to the top. Ben followed, whooping loudly with joy as he got caught up in the climb and they only realised their lack of care when Callum plunged into a pool that was hidden from their view until they were right on top of it, and found the hot water was up to his shoulders. Once he was sure he wasn’t hurt, Ben bent over and laughed at the affronted look on Callum’s face, gasping when water was splashed over him. “At least it’s was me, not you,” Callum pointed out as he hauled himself out, “because if it was you you’d have drowned, the water would have covered you up totally.”

“Are you calling me short?” Ben demanded, eyes wide and innocent.

Callum grabbed his hand once more, eyes alight. “You said it, not me,” he said with a happy grin on his face as they rejoined the tour and the rather more sensible route up the falls.

After they’d finished the climb, and they’d pacified the frowning guide who was giving them a lecture on safety, Ben left Callum whilst he went to get dry and changed out of the swimming trunks. The rest of the passengers were taking photos of the waterfall and chatting in little groups and Callum had decided to go around and talk to them to see if everyone was ok and how they’d enjoyed the climb. However, when Ben came back out, it was to find Callum in the middle of a gaggle of passengers, all a little too close to him for comfort, and if the tense stance of his shoulders were any indication, invading Callum’s personal space just that little bit too much.

Ben felt protective of him, remembering what he’d said over the past few days about how uncomfortable it made him feel, being the centre of attention, and he couldn’t help but want to help. He spotted an ice cream seller just down the path and bought two tubs before making his way back over to the group. “Hey,” he called out as he drew nearer. “Present for you, officer! Sorry to drag you away but you can’t let this melt.”

The look on Callum’s face was a picture, relief, disbelief and finally pleasure all cascading over his features. “I’m sorry,” he said to the group of passengers all around him, ignoring the looks and the pouts he was getting at cutting the conversation short, “I’d better go, but I’ll see you all back on the coach in a bit? Don’t get lost or be late! Or we’ll have to cut the rum tasting short.” And he allowed Ben this time to pull him away, around a corner and out of sight of everyone else. When they were sitting down on a wall, he leant into Ben and sighed theatrically. “Thanks for the rescue, my hero,” he said, fluttering his eyelashes. 

“You’re welcome,” Ben said dryly, handing him the ice cream and taking a huge bite of his own.

Callum laughed, bumping their shoulders together and Ben realised that he would do anything for this trip to never end.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, Callum stayed off the rum at the plantation, more interested in keeping an eye on the increasingly drunken passengers on the tour and so Ben didn’t drink much either, preferring to keep talking to Callum. “I guess you can’t drink and drive,” Ben said with a raised eyebrow and enjoyed the laugh that got from Callum. 

“Pretty big ship to be under the influence when navigating,” he said, nudging Ben’s arm, “but you don’t drive it Ben, really!”

“You have a wheel,” Ben pointed out, “so you drive it!”

“Nah,” Callum showed him a photo on his phone. “No wheel anymore, we’re not in the dark ages you know! Just this little knob, that’s all you need for the whole ship.”

“So you’re good at handling knobs?” Ben enquired innocently. “That’s interesting to know.”

If Callum spluttering and turning a bright red made his day, well, that was only his business to know.

After the rum tasting had ended and they had managed to round up all the passengers onto the coach, Ben finally understood what Callum had meant about losing people. They all tried to get on the wrong coaches and it was only an exasperated Callum that managed to get them where they needed to be. They returned to the dock and after shuffling the passengers towards the ship, Callum turned around to Ben. “Do you want to look around the market?” he asked, a little nervously. “I guess that wasn’t the best end to the day, but I really enjoyed spending the day with you.”

Ben did not want this day to end and by the look of it, neither did Callum. He couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over his face. “Yeah, I’d love to,” he said in reply and was rewarded with a beam from Callum.

They walked around slowly, looking at the stalls and giggling at some of the things on offer. It was so nice, so sweet, and Ben was the happiest he’d been for ages. They grabbed some pineapple and were sitting on a wall eating the juicy fruit when he spotted Keegan and Tiff coming towards them. He waved before he had time to really think and they came over, Tiff with her phone out. She was waving it at them before she’d gotten close. “You should see the pictures I’ve got! Jamaica is lovely!” she called. “Actually, can I grab one of you too?” and despite Keegan’s eye roll she snapped a few photos before holding her phone out to Ben.

As he was reaching for it, a man came hurtling towards them and knocked into Tiff, pushing her back and in that single second, he’d made to grab her phone. Tiff snatched her hand back with a shout and out of the three of them watching, all of them struck into stillness by the sudden situation, Callum was the first to move. Before Ben could really process what was happening, he’d forced himself in between Tiff and the man. “Hey,” he said, loudly and clearly. “Get away from her!”

The man, who was clearly looking to rob unsuspecting tourists, said nothing but he gave a low growl and before anyone could say or do anything else, there was a glint of silver in the bright sunlight. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please note the rating change
> 
> The aftermath of the mugging...

Ben realised with an awful lurch to his stomach what was happening - the thief had a knife and Callum was in between him and Tiff, protecting her. It felt like everything was happening sluggishly, like it was through treacle, the knife moving through the air, Callum’s sudden and shocked cry of pain, and Ben felt the dread through to his very core. He reacted before he could even really think. He turned around to a cafe table that was near where they’d stopped and took hold of the first thing he could find. Grabbing it in both hands, he stepped up behind the thief, lifted it up and bashed him over the head.

Things happened in slow motion, the thief made a low groaning noise and then collapsed onto the floor in silence, a brace of policemen came to surround Callum and Tiff and pulled them away to one side where someone with a first aid kit was waiting. And Ben stared at the man on the floor, at the large napkin holder he still had in his hands and felt sick to his stomach. He’d only meant to stop him from hurting Callum and Tiff - but was he actually dead? Was Ben a murderer?

He wanted to look over to check on Callum, but he couldn’t, other than to flick a quick glance over to where he was sitting at a table, first aiders around him. He was looking around, trying to catch Ben’s eye, but Ben could barely breathe and now he could see he was alive, he decided he had to get away before he had a full blown panic attack. He couldn’t go to jail. He just couldn’t. He’d never cope. How would they treat him if he had to stay here instead of going home? What if he could never go home again? He didn’t know what to do and even though staying and sorting things out was probably the most sensible thing to do, Ben just couldn’t. He legged it back to the ship and somehow, through the blood rushing in his head and the pounding of his heart, he managed to find his way to his cabin.

There, shaking and pale, he shut the curtains to the balcony and sat on the sofa with a bottle of whiskey from the mini bar and waited. He listened hard, hearing sirens in the distance, waiting for someone to knock on his door and tell him he was under arrest for killing that man. 

No one came, the sirens died down and eventually, so did the noise outside and Ben snuck a glance onto the balcony to find that the ship was all ready to leave Jamaica. With a loud toot on her horn, she was unmoored and sailing away and Ben could see the market in the distance fading away before his eyes. He was more confused than ever, he surely would have to be punished for hurting the man, regardless of whether he was a thief or not? He’d whacked him pretty hard, after all. Was there a jail on board? Were they waiting until they got into the open sea before someone came to take him down and lock him up? The suspense was the worst thing, to be honest, if they’d been and he knew what he was facing, at least he’d be prepared. Now all he could do was sit, feeling ill, and wait.

In the end, he decided to order some room service, because if he was going down for this, he guessed the food wouldn’t be half so nice and he had better eat something, even if he felt sick to the stomach at the thought of food. Looking through the menu, he ordered the blandest thing he could think of, a club sandwich and chips and then had to sit, waiting again, gnawing at a fingernail.

When the knock on the door came, he’d forgotten for a second that he’d ordered food and he stood up, knees wobbly, convinced this was it, they were coming for him. Slowly he opened the door and almost collapsed with relief when he saw the tray with food on it.

“Hey, I missed you around the ship,” a familiar voice said lightly and he looked up, following the arm to find that the person carrying the tray was no other than Callum himself. He stared, knowing his mouth had dropped open a little and wondering what he must look like, pale, worried, red eyed. Callum’s eyes met his and there was a second where they just stared at each other before he breathed out slowly. “Ben,” he whispered and then he stepped forward into the cabin, shut the door behind him and placed the food down somewhere and then he pulled Ben into his arms.

Ben wasn’t planning on falling to pieces, he had a reputation to uphold after all, but the very second that Callum’s arms came around him, he fell into his embrace. His arms tightened around Callum’s back, his face pressed into his neck and he let all the worry and fear from the last few hours just roll out of him. Callum was murmuring something into his hair, his hands rubbing over Ben’s back, and if it wasn’t for the reason why he was here, it would have been almost perfect.

“Did I kill him?” Ben eventually managed to whisper and Callum pulled back from the tight embrace and let his fingers push Ben's hair back gently. 

“What? No, no, he’s not dead. Probably has a massive headache but he’s alive and kicking and in jail.” His eyes trailed over Ben’s face, warmth and concern flooding into them. “Have you been in here since, worrying about it? I should have come to you earlier. Oh, Ben,” and he pulled him back into his arms.

“I thought I’d killed him. Thought I’d be arrested. I can’t go to jail, Callum, I can’t,” Ben said into the skin of Callum’s neck where he had snuggled back into.

“You won’t, you wouldn’t, I wouldn’t let them, you don't think I would,” Callum whispered, squeezing him tightly and Ben believed him unconditionally. “You saved me, you’re a hero.”

“I’m not a hero,” Ben said, pulling back, suddenly ravenous, and remembering the reason Callum was here was to bring his food. “Do you want to stay for a while, help me eat my dinner?” he asked, not wanting to let Callum leave, remembering the way he’d jumped in front of the knife and the noise of pain he’d made.

“I’d love to,” Callum said immediately. “I’ve finished my shift so I’m free until morning.” He paused. “As long as you’re ok with me being here, I technically shouldn’t be in your cabin after all.”

“Stay, I want you to,” Ben sat down and split his sandwich in half, offering one part out to Callum and smiling when he sat down, close enough so that their knees brushed, and took the other part himself. It didn’t take long to polish off the food now he was feeling happier and he was also curious. “What happened? Can you tell me or am I not allowed to ask?”

Callum made a rude noise. “I’d tell you anyway, even if I wasn’t supposed to. He was arrested, charged with attempted robbery and armed assault. Carted off to jail. Police took a statement from me and your friend but they were going to come down on him heavily. Tourism is a big thing to these islands, they don’t want any bad press.” He touched Ben’s arm lightly. “Where’d you go? I looked for you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. Then I thought I’d find you in a bar after my shift but you were nowhere to be found. I did see your friends, they said you hadn’t come down for food either. I was worried.”

“I ran away,” Ben admitted. “I got scared, thought I'd killed him and I couldn’t face the police or you…. so I came back and hid in my cabin.”

Callum looked stricken. “I wish I’d known, I’d have come down earlier to tell you. You have nothing to worry about, you saved me. Bloody good arm though, for a mechanic,” and he winked and smiled at Ben and he felt himself relaxing for the first time in hours.

“He hurt you, I couldn’t think straight,” he admitted and was gratified to see a shy smile steal across Callum’s face. “Where did he hurt you?” he asked, not wanting to know how bad it was, but the fact Callum was here meant it couldn’t be too bad, right?

“Just on my arm,” Callum said, “you got him before he could do anything else. Just a scratch.” He bit his lip and turned to face Ben, tucking a leg underneath him so he could see him properly. 

His eyes flickered to Ben’s lips and then back to his eyes, almost hesitantly, shyly and then he took a deep breath. “Ben,” he said and his voice was hoarse and it made a shiver run down Ben’s spine. “Would it be ok if I kissed you?”

Ben’s breath stuttered as the words sank in. “Yes,” he breathed and Callum moved forward, hand cupping Ben’s cheek and leant in slowly. The world slowed down as he drew closer, Ben tilting his head up in anticipation and then there was a hesitation, when they were mere centimetres apart. Ben could feel the warm huff of air as Callum sucked in a deep breath and then before he could even think past that, Callum closed the gap and his lips were on Ben’s.

The kiss was soft, exploratory, Callum’s lips slightly chapped and warm on Ben’s, and over far too soon for Ben’s liking. Callum pulled back, eyes blinking open and meeting Ben’s own, searching his face and gulping. They looked at each other, frozen in that moment until Ben could hold it back no longer. He slid his hand around Callum’s neck and pulled him back in.

Callum made a sound, low in his throat as he came willingly, lips meeting lips, and Ben couldn’t help the shiver that passed through his entire body at the thought that he was the one doing that to him. He caught Callum’s bottom lip between his own, sucking on it gently, letting his fingers tangle in the hair at the back of Callum’s head. Callum’s hands slid into his face, cradling his skull as he pulled Ben even closer. When he had to pull back to breathe, Ben moved, so he was straddling Callum’s thighs on the sofa where it was easier to dive back in and deepen the kiss.

Callum slid his tongue against the seam of Ben’s lips and he opened to him immediately, the warmth of his mouth too much of a temptation. It was perfect, the pressure of Callum’s lips, the warmth of his mouth, the slow curl of his tongue, Ben could feel himself falling.

Callum pulled back eventually, breathing heavily, hands resting on Ben’s hips. “Hey,” he whispered into the space between them. “Is this OK?”

“So OK,” Ben whispered back, leaning so his forehead was pressed against Callum’s. “I’ve been wanting this for ages, you know.”

“Really?” Callum asked, sounding surprised. He reached up and slid his fingers into Ben’s hair, scratching against his scalp and Ben absolutely did not preen into the touch. He was a grown man after all. “I thought you hated me.”

“I’m just a sod,” Ben said, “grumpy, irritable, unlovable.”

“That’s not true,” Callum breathed and he pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Ben’s mouth. “Well, you are a bit grumpy but not unlovable. Why else do you think I came and sat by you at the airport?”

“What?” Ben leant back so he could look into Callum’s eyes, but let his hands glide up over his back to his neck, because how could he even consider stopping touching him after that comment?

“I spotted you, right at the start. I wanted to get to know you. I’d worked out we were on the same flight from where you were sitting and the looks you kept giving the screen when the announcements about the plane being delayed were made. So when I got the chance to talk to you, I took it. I mean, I didn’t know I’d be sitting by you on the plane or that you’d be on the cruise with me, or that you were such a grumpy little sod, but you’re also charming and beautiful and you got so far under my skin I couldn’t let you go. And then you saved me today, I guess that was the first time I let myself think there may be something there.”

Ben had to press forward, drop a kiss to Callum’s lips because how he had missed all of that? He knew why, he was so convinced no one would ever want him, but to hear it from the one person he’d liked in ages, it was almost overwhelming. Callum hummed happily and kissed him back, deep and hard and hungry, and Ben had to stop or else he would have forgotten to ask what he needed to know.

“Are you ok, is your arm really ok?” he said anxiously.

Callum frowned a little, until Ben slid his fingers lightly over the place on his arm where he’d been stabbed.

“Just a nick, honestly,” he said again but Ben wasn’t convinced.

“Let me see?” he asked and he unbuttoned Callum’s white shirt slowly, pulling it off to reveal a white T-shirt underneath. Peeking out from the sleeve on his right arm was a bandage and Ben took a deep breath as he remembered the fear he’d felt when he realised what was happening. He leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to the edge of the bandage, trying to let his actions say what he couldn’t.

Callum’s eyes were soft when he sat back up, full of wonder and longing and lust and Ben swallowed at the sight of them, at the way his mouth had dropped open slightly and how his breathing was off kilter. “Ben,” he murmured and he slid his hand back around Ben’s head and pulled him into a decidedly more hungry kiss than anything they’d shared so far. When he broke it this time, his eyes had darkened to an almost black. “Would you like to fuck me?” he asked in an almost apprehensive voice, biting on his bottom lip as he gazed at Ben nervously.

Ben took a moment to process the request, heart leaping in his chest. “Yes,” he said, “yes, so much,” and then he leant back in to slant his lips over Callum’s once more.

They manage to stop kissing long enough to strip each other and Ben finally got to peel those obscenely tight trousers from Callum’s thighs, something he had imagined doing since the very first time he’d seen him on board. Ben pulled Callum over to the bed and pushed him backwards until he was sprawling on the cool cotton and then followed him down into eager arms. He could barely believe it was happening, hard cocks pressing against each other, hips moving, mouths opening in hot kisses but Callum gave a groan into his mouth and pulled away sharply. “I’ve just thought… do you have condoms or lube?” he asked.

Ben laughed a little, resting his forehead against Callum’s. “No. I wasn’t exactly planning on having lots of holiday sex you know, with a winning personality like mine.”

Callum let his hand stroke Ben’s face, lightly and tenderly. “You’re wonderful,” he said fiercely. “Stop belittling yourself. I like you a lot and I want to have lots of holiday sex with you, actually.”

“Oh,” Ben breathed, paused in his actions and suddenly realised how much that meant to him, knowing Callum believed that about him. “I like you too, you know.”

“Good,” Callum smiled, pulled him back into another kiss before groaning again and putting distance between their lips and that was so not right, he should still be kissing Ben. “I don’t have condoms either, I wasn’t planning on this happening. I’m sorry.”

Ben looked down at him, fondly, smiling at the almost awkwardness and worry in Callum’s face. “That’s ok,” he said, “we can do other stuff tonight. Maybe tomorrow? I could buy some condoms and lube?”

Callum’s face cleared, and he bit his lip. “Tomorrow sounds good,” he whispered. “I’m on bridge duty during the port and have to be out and about until ten but I can come here after my shift if that’s ok?”

“Ok,” Ben whispered back, realising that the smile that made Callum’s eyes light up, whilst he was hard and naked in bed with Ben, was one of the nicest things he’d ever seen. 

Now that they’d sorted out what they could and couldn’t do safely, Callum relaxed fully underneath him, pulling their bodies flush together and letting his mouth open trustingly to Ben’s. They explored each other’s mouths, lazily kissing for what felt like hours, Ben learning that Callum liked the way he nipped at his lips, the way he sucked on his tongue, and proceeded to use that information to make him a wreck underneath him. For his part, Callum quickly picked up on the fact that getting his hands into Ben’s hair, stroking along his back and shoulders and hot, open mouthed kisses on his neck was the surest way to make Ben fall to pieces.

Eventually, their hands moved down each other’s body’s and Ben was both prepared and surprised when Callum wrapped a hand around his cock. He pulled back from the kisses to see, watching himself as Callum explored his dick, running fingers over the vein from base to tip, circling the head, catching his thumb underneath the ridge, stroking pre cum over as he moved his hand, eyes never leaving Ben’s face.

Ben was close, but wanted more, so he stopped Callum’s hand, with one soft touch and then knelt between his legs, biting his lip as he took his turn playing with Callum’s cock. Beautiful, was his first thought, as he let his fingers stroke down, tracing lightly over Callum’s balls and listening to the way his breath caught in his throat at the feeling. He bit his lip, watching as the head of Callum’s cock shuttled through his fingers, letting his thumb press against the slit and exploring the shape and feeling of it in his hand, noticing every twitch and moan he wrung out of Callum.

It didn’t take long before Callum reached for him, pulling him down into a messy kiss, all teeth and biting at his lips, pushing his hips upwards into Ben’s. Ben thrust down in response and just allowed his body to take over, grinding against Callum until they were both a mess of arousal and at that point, with eyes fixed on Ben and mouth inches away from his, Callum reached down and took both of their cocks together into the circle of his hand, jerking them off whilst pressed together. Ben pushed down into a hot kiss, letting his tongue slip into Callum’s mouth as he fell into the pressure, the pleasure of Callum’s fist, his cock pressed hotly against Ben's own, the feel of his body underneath Ben. His orgasm hit almost without warning and it was beautiful the way Callum gasped, his back arched and he spilled seconds after in response.

After his breathing had calmed down, Ben reached for a handful of tissues and wiped them both clean, then snuggled into Callum’s side. Belatedly, he wondered if he’d actually want to stay, presumably he’d have his own cabin somewhere on the ship, but to his surprise and pleasure, Callum pulled him closer, arms tight around him and tilted his face up for a slow, gentle kiss that was so different to any kiss they’d shared that evening so far.

“Stay?” Ben whispered into the space between them.

Callum smiled, so different to the wide sunny ones he’d been giving passengers, this one small, secret and only for Ben. “Are you sure? I’d love to,” he said and it was Ben’s turn to press a soft kiss to his lips as a reply as he huddled as close as he could, lazy kisses turning eventually into sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time  
> They know they have to ‘seize the day’ because they only have 2 weeks together.
> 
> I knew the title pun would come in useful at some point!!!

The light was soft in the cabin when Ben woke up and the sound of a new port filtered through the curtains in hushed tones, just like he was feeling. Callum was sitting on the edge of the bed, fingers stroking Ben’s cheek as he blinked awake. “Hey,” he whispered, as light as everything around them was, like they were in their own little bubble. “I’ve got to go, I’m sorry. I’m on duty in an hour and I need a shower. But I’ll come back later when I’ve finished work, if that’s still ok?”

“Yeah, of course,” Ben whispered back and felt his stomach twist deliciously at the way Callum’s face lit up. “Maybe I’ll see you around tonight as well?”

“That’d be nice,” Callum said, fingers still tracing Ben’s cheekbone. “And you should go off the ship today, I’ve never been to Aruba before, you can tell me what it’s like.”

“It’s a date.”

“Actually, tomorrow, when we’re at sea, I have an early bridge shift from 4 to 8 and then a late afternoon one, I was wondering if you wanted to spend the day with me? We could explore the ship a bit, I’ll take you for food at one of the nice restaurants?” Callum asked, a little anxiously and hesitantly.

Ben responded by raising himself upwards and pressing his lips quickly to Callum’s. He felt warm all over, not used to the feeling of having someone want to spend this much time with him. Callum kissed him back, eagerly, with so much heat behind it that Ben gasped into his mouth and had to break away otherwise he’d strip that uniform off him again and pull him back into bed. “I’d like that,” he murmured into the small gap between them. Callum smiled slowly, kissed the very edge of his mouth and then pulled away reluctantly. 

“I do have to go,” he said again, but he stole one more kiss before leaving, turning and staring at Ben as he reached the door. “See you later, Ben. “

Ben watched as he left, tight trousers and shirt clinging everywhere, thinking about how Callum had looked and felt out of the uniform, underneath Ben, and he had to lie down and get himself back under control before he could even consider leaving the bed.

Aruba was a lovely island, all white beaches and blue seas and Ben got the port bus into the capital city, mainly so he could talk to Callum about what he’d missed whilst on duty. He’d snuck a look upwards towards the bridge when he’d got off the ship, and could see men in white uniforms up there but he’d not been able to make out if Callum was there or not. He’d pottered around the capital city for a few hours, before braving a pharmacy and buying a stash of condoms and lube, figuring it would be less embarrassing than buying them from the onboard shop later. However, he’d forgotten about the security checks when he went back on board. The staff were too well trained to make any comment, but Ben was sure his face was bright red and that the face of the man on the security camera had twitched when the contents of his backpack were clearly displayed. 

He spent the rest of the day on his balcony, trying to pretend that he was calm and not at all nervous about seeing Callum again. Going out to dinner was a mistake, he had ended up sitting not just with Keegan and Tiff but with another couple as well, being a definite fifth wheel, and then when he was able to get away without causing too much offence, he found a seat at the main bar in the lobby and kept an eye open for Callum, finding him out and about, doing the whole chatting to passengers thing and flirting again. Ben could feel himself getting more and more tense and drank probably too much whiskey before stumbling back to his cabin much earlier than he’d planned. It was better than seeing Callum flirting with lots of passengers and wondering if he’d made a mistake, was this something that happened on every single cruise and was he just another notch on the bedpost? But then he just worried alone, feeling like this was too much like waiting for someone to turn up just for sex and hating that he could only sit and let his thoughts just run and run.

There was a soft knock on the door at ten and Ben opened it to find Callum outside, looking a little anxious. Wordlessly, he let him in, shut the door and locked it and was so stuck in his own thoughts that he started stripping straight away without even saying anything.

Callum stopped him with a gentle hand. “Hey, woah, wait a minute. Are you ok? I saw you leave the bar earlier. I was worried.”

“I’m fine,” Ben snapped, “shall we just get this started?”

Callum hesitated. “Do you want to? Really?” he asked, biting on his bottom lip. He moved closer, ran a hand along Ben’s arm, sliding it down until he was loosely holding his hand, stopping the impromptu strip.

Ben looked up into clear blue eyes, feeling things settle around him again. “Yeah, I do,” he said more softly than he intended and Callum smiled slowly and leant in, brushing his lips gently over Ben’s. 

“I’ve not done this before,” he said, resting his forehead against Ben’s. “With a passenger, I mean. I just want you to know. I don’t have a man in every port. You’re different. You’re special.”

Ben nodded once, letting the conviction of Callum’s words soothe his frazzled mind. “Ok,” he whispered back and he tilted his head up and caught Callum’s lips in another kiss.

Time slowed down as they kissed, mouths opening to each other and only breaking apart to slide their shirts off each other. It wasn’t too long until they were both naked, Ben sprawled over Callum on the bed, licking into his mouth. Callum was tense, despite his earlier calm words, and Ben realised that maybe he was just as nervous about the whole thing as he was himself. So he resisted the temptation to do anything other than just press their bodies close together and slant his lips over Callum’s again and again, building the heat between them slowly but surely. Callum felt incredible, hands running through Ben’s hair, mouth hot and warm and so tempting, body firm underneath him, little breathy moans leaving his throat as Ben concentrated on kissing him like he should be kissed. The press of his lips, the slide of his tongue against Ben’s was so intoxicating it made Ben shiver against him and that coaxed even more delicious noises out of him. Ben wasn’t sure how he was going to last, with Callum spread out underneath him, gradually becoming more and more relaxed as the kisses grew deeper and hotter, hips rocking slowly together as they both enjoyed the closeness.

It was Callum himself who eventually broke the kiss, tilting his head up so their noses were just brushing. “Are you planning on fucking me still?” he asked, letting his hands trace up Ben’s sides. “Because I really want you to, but if you don’t…”

Ben raised himself up on his elbows, let his eyes trail over Callum’s body, lean chest, flushed with arousal, cock hard against his stomach. “I want to,” he said.

“Good, because I want you to as well,” Callum smiled up at him and for a second, Ben’s breath was taken straight out of his lungs,

“You’re gorgeous, do you know that?” he breathed, staring down at the man beneath him in wonder.

“You’re gorgeous,” Callum breathed back, twirling a strand of Ben’s hair around his fingers and pulling him back in for another kiss, this time letting his hips rock up deliberately, grinding his cock into Ben’s.

With a goal in mind, the kisses turned more purposeful and Ben scrabbled one handed for the lube and condoms he’d bought that afternoon. Checking that Callum was still relaxed and eager, he opened the bottle of lube and drizzled some of the slick liquid over his fingers. “Let me know if this is still ok,” he breathed into Callum’s mouth as he let the tips of his fingers stroke gently over his hole, watching as Callum’s pupils dilated even more and his mouth fell open into a gasp as Ben pushed just the tip of his index finger inside. 

“Oh, it’s still definitely ok,” Callum said, mouth quirking into a smile as Ben slid in further, letting his finger drag slowly over Callum’s insides as he started a slow rhythm in and out. He let his lips brush Callum’s again and again, kissing him as he slid a second finger in to join the first. He pulled back to watch as he crooked them both inside, feeling pleased as Callum’s eyes flew open and his fingers gripped into Ben’s shoulders tight enough to leave marks as he stroked over his prostate again and again. Seeing Callum falling apart underneath him as he touched him was amazing, the noises he was making, the way his body responded to Ben, the way he looked at him all half lidded eyes and how his mouth dropped open in a perfect o shape made Ben’s cock twitch against his stomach.

“I’m ready, Ben, come on,” he begged, sliding a foot up Ben’s leg and pulling him closer.

“Another finger?” Ben asked, but Callum shook his head firmly,

“You. I want you. Your cock. Please, Ben, I’m ready,” he pleaded and Ben couldn’t say no to him, looking the way he did, feeling the way he did and he slid his fingers out.

Together they rolled a condom over Ben and slicked him up and then Ben was back over Callum, braced over him, mouths touching gently as he lined his cock up and slowly, slowly pushed inside. Callum moaned into his shoulder, hips tilting up as Ben slid all the way in. He shuddered out a breath at the feeling, heat, tightness, perfectness and pushed in slowly and steadily, feeling every single clench of tight muscle and trying to hold himself back until his hips were flush with Callum’s lovely arse. He had to wait, overwhelmed with sensation, hips twitching as he breathed hard, broken gasps leaving his mouth. Callum’s face was still pressed into his shoulder, muffling the noises he was making, and it didn’t take much for Ben to raise himself slightly so he could cover his lips with his mouth instead in a surprising gentle kiss considering he was balls deep and twitching inside Callum. Callum arched into the kiss and then pulled back so he could nip at Ben’s bottom lip. “Please, move,” he begged, pleadingly, eyes dark and hot on Ben’s, nipping again at the seam of Ben’s mouth. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

With a last kiss, he started to move, knees underneath him and arms braced on the bed around Callum’s head to give him leverage. Callum was gasping, breathing ragged as he moaned Ben’s name into the room on every thrust. Ben started slowly, long deep thrusts from tip to base that had him keening with the tightness and the heat, eyes fluttering shut in pleasure. But when Callum shifted, moved his hips upwards, touched his lips to Ben’s one more time, it wasn’t quite enough. Checking it was ok, he put his back into it, speeding up until the rhythm he had set was hard and quick enough to make the soft swell of the ocean around them appear to move their bodies in the same rhythm, pushing them closer and closer to the edge at the same tempo as the rocking of the boat. He slid his hands down Callum’s sides, to his hips, encouraging him to slide a leg around his waist and move them closer. Callum’s eyes flew open as the new position meant Ben’s cock was hitting the right spot inside him on every thrust and the moans he was making grew even more delicious to Ben’s ears. Wanting to see him fall apart, Ben made sure that he kept the angle and speed he’d found and slid a hand between them to wrap around Callum’s cock. All it took was a few strokes of his fist and, with a low moan that made Ben’s stomach twist with arousal, Callum was coming. The clenching of his body, tight around Ben’s cock, was enough to send him over the edge too and he spilled buried deep inside Callum. Breathing hard, they both rested, as close as they could to each other, open mouthed but too far gone to kiss, just sharing the same air as they gazed at each other and came down from their orgasms.

Once the moment was over and Ben had pulled out and tied off the condom he had a moment of panic, wondering if Callum would leave. To his joy, Callum merely held out his arms and pulled him close, cuddling behind him.

“That was so good,” he breathed into Ben’s neck. “You have no idea how long I’d wanted to do that with you.”

“Really?” Ben twisted in his arms to look at Callum, startled. 

“Really,” Callum said softly and he leant forward and took Ben’s mouth in a slow, gentle kiss full of so much promise. “And I can’t wait to do it again either.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date (with 3000 other people though!)

It was still pitch black when Ben woke, the quiet swell of the ocean rocking the bed and the noise of waves against the hull the first things he was aware of. It was so early and he was only half awake, they’d stayed up late talking and cuddling and it had been so nice. At that he woke up properly, remembering, and being aware that in the inky darkness Callum was no longer spooning him. He’d left… He sat half up and at the movement the bed next to him dipped and he felt rather than saw Callum’s hand running up his bare arm. “I thought I was quiet enough, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Thought you’d gone,” Ben murmured between them, reaching out and his hand finding the cotton clad chest before him. 

“It’s my shift, I have to go,” Callum sounded reluctant. “I wouldn’t have left you otherwise.”

“What time is it?”

“Quarter to four,” Callum leant in and Ben felt the soft pressure of lips against his forehead, then his cheek and then an off centre kiss that must have been aimed for his mouth smudged somewhere between his lips and nose. “Go back to sleep, I’ll come back after my shift finishes at 8, don’t forget it’s sea day today.”

“Date day,” Ben whispered and Callum laughed quietly, capturing his mouth in one last deep kiss before standing up.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” he half asked and before he left Ben caught his hand and kissed his knuckles lightly.

“I’ll be here. Not many other places to go to after all,” he joked.

Callum paused by the door and Ben could finally see him, back in his uniform and looking like he could be devoured. He smiled. “You’ll see,” he promised with a wink and then he was gone, and Ben was left alone with the memories of the night before as he rolled over, face pushed into the space next to him where the faint smell of Callum still lingered and fell back to sleep.

Ben had made a cup of coffee and was sitting on his balcony, finally realising just why being at sea was so relaxing and calming, when there was a knock on his cabin door. Opening it, he saw Callum, hair still damp and curling over his ears, and an almost nervous smile on his face. He was dressed in normal clothes but still had his name badge on his T-shirt and his thighs looked so nice in his shorts that Ben almost watched to ditch the date and just pull him back into his cabin. “Hi,” he said instead, stepping outside and firmly shutting the door - and therefore sight of the bed - behind him.

“Hi,” Callum grinned back, face lighting up and Ben had never had anyone look so pleased to see him before. “Have you had breakfast yet?”

“No, I thought I’d wait for you,” Ben said and was rewarded by an even brighter smile. 

They wandered up to the top deck and along by the pool, dodging the early morning sun worshipers who were already on beds along the side of the deck and the passengers who wanted to stop and talk to Callum even though he wasn’t in his uniform. He saw Ben staring and pulled a rueful face. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Even though I’m not on duty, I guess we're never really off duty either, everyone always wants to talk about where we’re going and give us tips on ‘driving’ the ship. Drives me crazy.”

He steered them into the buffet as he spoke, tipping his head at the staff on the door and secured them a table for two at one of the side windows overlooking the sea. “You could take it off,” Ben suggested, nodding at the shiny badge on his chest.

Callum looked down, still with that look in his eyes. “I can’t, I have to be ready just in case there’s an emergency. All hands on deck, that sort of thing. Besides, we're supposed to be visible to the passengers at all times, just in case.” He paused a little. “Visible and available, even if that’s really not allowed. They just have to think that,” he admitted, in a small voice. “I love this, I really do, being an officer on a ship. I just hate having to pretend to be something I’m not and having all these people think they know me and treat me like I’m something special, just because of the uniform I wear.”

“That must be hard, not knowing if someone likes you or your uniform,” Ben tilted his head to one side and wondered why he was different.

Callum must have been reading his mind, or something else like that, because he slid his foot along Ben’s calf, eyes fixed on his face. “That’s why I knew you must be genuine. You were always so grumpy when you saw me.”

“I was not grumpy,” Ben protested, but he broke into a smile. “Yeah, ok, maybe I was. But, to be honest, I was so jealous of all the women you were flirting with. It was hard not to be grumpy. I mean, that uniform is scandalously tight after all.” He returned the gesture under the table, stroking Callum’s foot with his own and was quietly pleased with the flush that highlighted Callum’s cheeks in the sunlight. 

“You must have been the only passenger ever to tell me to fuck off,” he said and the look on his face was so fond Ben had to duck his head to hide the fact he was grinning like a fool. How on earth could he be turning so soft, over someone he’d only known for a week?

“How are we getting away with this?” he queried when they were finishing off their coffees, full from yet another wonderful meal. “I mean, you said you have to seem available but it’s breaking all the rules according to the book in my room, what we’re doing. I don’t want to stop, but I don’t want you to get into trouble either.”

“I may have stretched the truth a little,” Callum admitted, slowly, looking away from Ben’s face awkwardly. “Told them we knew each other from home, that you’d come out here with me, figured even if nothing ever happened between us it would mean I could still come and hang out with you. They weren’t too happy with me for not admitting it beforehand but it means I can get away with more than if they knew what really had happened.”

There was a brief silence whilst Ben processed the truth, amazed that Callum had lied for him, for a potential them. Callum looked back up, eyes hopeful as they rested on Ben’s face. “Too stalkerish?” he asked lightly, but Ben could see the nerves underlying the seemingly jokey comment. In that moment he realised he didn’t mind at all, he liked Callum a lot.

“I just have one problem,” he said, reaching over the table as he spoke and letting his fingers stroke Callum’s knuckles lightly. “I’m meant to be hating this holiday so much so I can take the piss out of Billy when I get home. You are ruining my plans, Officer Highway.”

After breakfast Callum pulled him down a few decks, through another maze of cabins and corridors and out a door to the very back of the ship. “This is my favourite spot on the whole ship,” he admitted to Ben as he leant on the railing. “It’s quiet, no one ever comes out here and I like just looking out and getting my head sorted. I wanted to share it with you before we go on the madness of a date on a cruise ship with 3000 other people.”

Ben stood next to him, the wind rustling through his hair and stared out back where they’d just come from, the wake of the ship the only thing he could see for miles. Even though they were on a big ship, with small tendrils of noise curling down from the party deck on top, it was almost like it was just them, alone in the world and it was so easy to curl a hand around Callum’s neck and pull him in for a kiss, soft and sweet. Callum hummed happily, his arms sliding around Ben’s waist as he kissed him back.

“Thank you,” Ben said and he meant for more than just this, the quiet view in the maelstrom of craziness, but he was sure Callum understood as he pressed a final quick kiss to the end of his nose and then almost fell overboard in his excitement. “Look, porpoises, can you see?” he whispered into Ben’s ear and then manoeuvred them so he was standing behind Ben, arms wrapped around him, angling to see the dark bodies of the mammals who were leaping in and out of the water behind the ship. “They like the wave the ship creates,” he added and Ben shivered at the delicious closeness of him, of his voice. “They play around when we’re in the Med too.”

“This is almost too good to be true,” Ben admitted, tilting his head back into Callum’s shoulder. “It’s almost like you’re planning to seduce me, Officer. Breakfast, now porpoises. What’s next, bingo?”

“Well….” Callum started, laughed at Ben’s affronted look and pressed his lips to his neck. “How could I resist you with a bingo dabber in hand?”

There was a moment, walking through the ship, knuckles brushing as they stayed close to each other, when Ben was convinced that Callum was actually going to take him on a date to bingo, but at the last minute instead of diving into the already heaving bar, he pulled him into one of the lifts and they went to the quiet area of the top deck, where a film was starting on the large outdoor screen set up at the back of the funnels. They ended up sharing a sun bed, popcorn in little boxes handed to them by a deck worker who gave Callum an exaggerated wink, curled up and watching whatever movie was on under the clear Caribbean blue sky. Ben had no idea what they’d watched, too preoccupied by the curve of Callum’s neck as he laughed and the way their fingers brushed as they reached for popcorn at the same time. Eventually he linked his fingers with Callum’s, all pretence gone and just enjoyed the closeness.

Callum pulled out the ship's schedule once the movie was over, running his finger down the afternoon’s activities. “There’s dancing, or we could go to do the cocktail tasting session, I mean, you could taste because I definitely cannot drink and drive for my shift later on...” he started to say but Ben squeezed his hand once and stopped him talking as he turned startled eyes towards him. 

“Or we could just go to my cabin,” he murmured, “there’s so much I could show you in there.”

They made it back to the cabin in record time and almost before the door was shut Ben was pressing Callum into the wall and kissing him like he’d been imagining all day. Callum was so responsive, pushing into the kiss eagerly, both of them naked and spread on the bed in minutes. The sex that afternoon was lazy, lit by the golden sun pouring in through the gauze curtain on the balcony - lips and mouths exploring bodies, a slow mutual blow job that almost had Ben losing his composure and then Callum’s fingers, blunt inside him, stretching him open thoroughly. And finally, Callum’s cock, hard and hot inside him, the thin layer of the condom not hiding any feeling as he thrust deep and slow, eyes and fingers locked as they moved together.

After Callum’s shift on the bridge, they went for dinner in the Italian restaurant on the top deck, all candles and soft music and good food and Ben had never been happier in his life. He knew he was falling hard for Callum, even if he wasn’t prepared to admit it to anyone other than himself.

They went to one of the bars after dinner, for quick drinks and a dance that meant Ben had to suffer the press of Callum’s body close to him in public, meaning he could do nothing of what he wanted to. Callum was flushed too, letting his hips brush close just once as they danced and that was it, he came back to Ben’s cabin, like there was ever going to be any doubt anyway. Neither of them slept much that night, too engrossed in learning each other’s bodies, knowing that the cruise was only another two weeks long and wanting to make the most of every minute they could together. When they eventually slept, Ben curled tight around Callum’s body despite the heat. So it was easy enough for Callum to wake him early the next morning, with a soft kiss to his forehead and the smell of coffee in the cabin. “Come look,” he said quietly as he handed a sleepy Ben a cup and pulled him up, handing him a hoodie. Ben pulled it on and allowed Callum to steer him outside where he could see their next port in the distance. Cups of coffee in hands, they stood on the balcony, Callum’s arms wrapped around Ben’s waist and his head on his shoulder. Ben twisted to look at him, the way his hair fell soft over his face, the bite mark on his shoulder that he remembered leaving as he’d fucked Callum slowly into the mattress during the night, the way his eyes were dreamy as he gazed over the blue sea and green islands and the way he bit his lip as his look finally met Ben’s. 

“Stunning,” Ben whispered and even though he knew it was cheesy, it wasn’t just the view he was talking about.

Callum laughed, eyes crinkling adorably and he pressed a kiss to Ben’s shoulder. “Perfect, I would say,” he agreed, pulling Ben in even closer to his body.


	8. Chapter 8

Somehow, they didn’t spend much time apart for the rest of the time of the cruise, only when Callum had to go and do shifts on the bridge or had to spend time meeting and chatting to guests. Ben avoided those nights as much as possible, preferring to sit in a bar out of the way because even though he knew now it was just part of the job and Callum was coming to his cabin every single night he still found it hard to watch as he was flirted with by what seemed like every single passenger on board. Everyone seemed to love him, which in Ben’s eyes was no surprise, considering how gorgeous and charming and lovely he was.

It had totally scuppered Ben’s plans for a dreadful holiday though, as they’d spent every free moment of Callum’s together, both in bed and exploring the ship and the ports when he was able to leave the ship and Ben had enjoyed every single thing he had done. Even when Callum was working and was unable to get off the ship, he’d asked Ben to scoop out the new port and let him know what he’d found. Ben suspected it was partly to get him to see how amazing being on a cruise was, but he’d agreed and had actually found that he’d enjoyed even that, pottering around in new towns, on beautiful islands because it meant he got to talk to Callum about what he’d missed when they were curled in bed together, fingers dancing over sweat soaked skin, lips never far from each other’s bodies. He’d even found it more bearable to meet with Keegan and Tiff, now he had these feelings bubbling up in his chest himself. And it wasn’t even just the sex, although he’d never had so much and he’d never been made to feel the same way with anyone else he’d ever been with. It was the way Callum would listen to him, would cuddle him, would talk about every single little thing they’d got up to that day, would just listen to him talking about anything. He knew, deep down, he was falling hard.

It would have been perfect, sun, sea, sex, except for one inescapable fact. This had a time limit. They were on a cruise, in less than two weeks, Ben would be leaving and going home and Callum would be still here, working.

Callum had tried to bring it up a few times, but every time he mentioned what would happen once Ben’s holiday had finished, Ben found something to do to shut him up or at least to occupy his mouth elsewhere. It worked surprisingly well and Callum had eventually stopped mentioning it too, even if Ben could see him sending surreptitious looks at him out of the corner of his eye when he thought he wasn't looking.

It was only when they left the last port that Ben finally allowed himself to think past the next few days, because that was all they had left. In three mornings time, the ship would be docking in Miami again and he’d be leaving and that would be it. He couldn’t say he hadn’t thought about what could happen after the cruise ended, he had racked his brain and he could not see anything past the inevitable. He thought about protecting his heart, pulling back from Callum before it got too late but he realised that he was in too deep. Every single moment of the last three weeks that he had been able to spend with Callum had been perfect and he just couldn’t let it go, even if it meant breaking his heart in Miami. So, despite the upcoming deadline, they spent all the time they could together on the slow journey back to normal life.

Callum had arranged his shifts so that he had the entire last day free and would only need to be back on the bridge as they arrived into Miami. They had spent most of the day lounging around in the cabin and the balcony, to Ben’s surprise, not even having a lot of sex, just being with each other, cuddling close, kissing so much his lips were kiss bitten and swollen and still he hadn’t had enough of it. They ordered room service and sat on the balcony, feet entwined and bare knees touching and Ben wanted to cry with how simple and domestic and lovely the whole thing was.

Once they’d set the plates outside for collection, Callum turned around and gestured for Ben to sit on the bed and then he sat on the chair opposite, a gap between them, hands twisting in his lap. “Please, Ben,” he said and the sound of his voice, the way it cracked as he spoke, made Ben want to grab him, hold him close and not let him go, but he had no choice but to. “We need to talk about tomorrow.”

“What is there to say?” Ben asked, and he knew he was deliberately being obtuse, he couldn’t let Callum see how much this was hurting him, how much he wanted him, he had to protect his heart. “I’m leaving the ship, going back to London. You’re staying here. It’s not rocket science, Callum.”

“But we could make it work,” Callum started and he sounded so hopeful.

“Long distance relationships aren’t my thing, I like to go out, I couldn’t guarantee that I could just wait for you. And you’re here, with so many people around you, you need the chance to have fun. I can’t let you hate the rest of your time here because you’re waiting on me.” Ben knew it was harsh, and a lie, but he had no choice really. He had to let Callum go and if being blunt was the only way he could do it, then it had to be.

“I don’t want anyone but you,” Callum whispered and he moved forward, kneeling on the floor, his hand stroking Ben’s cheek. “We could give it a go? There’s online things we could do, phone calls?”

Ben shook his head, pressing into his touch, not wanting to admit that he couldn’t imagine not being able to touch or kiss Callum anymore, over the phone or the internet was not what he wanted. And he knew that Callum should be loving his life out here in the Caribbean and he couldn’t be responsible for him not living his life to the full and if that meant being with someone better suited to him, someone he would see everyday, then how could Ben stand in his way.

Callum made a choked off sob. “I could leave,” he said and his eyes were so wide and sincere. “Or you could stay.”

“Callum,” Ben breathed, like Callum was breaking his heart. He’d never felt like this about someone before, never had someone look at him like Callum did, he’d never wanted this more and at the same time, he knew he was not the right person for someone as wonderful as Callum. He slid to the floor and got his arms around him. “I could never ask you to leave, you’ve worked so hard to get to where you are. You’d hate it, not being on a ship, not being on the sea. You’d hate me. I couldn’t have that. I’d rather leave you here, having you think wonderful things and remembering me like this. And I couldn’t work here. What could I do on board? Just cruise for the rest of my life?”

Callum pushed into his touch, “you could join the engineering department. You have a degree, you’re a mechanic, you can transfer your skills. I looked.”

“I can’t just get up and leave my life.”

“You've told me about your life back home and it’s awful. You deserve so much more than that!” Callum said and he moved even closer. “You’re everything, Ben, and you’ve never been told that in your life. You’re special. You’re wonderful. I love you.”

They stared at each other following the blurted out confession, Ben’s heart almost breaking as Callum bent his head forward until it was resting on their hands. “No one has ever treated me or made me feel the way you do Ben, I love you,” he said again and Ben knew he meant it from the bottom of his heart.

He didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t deny what he knew to be the truth but how could he admit it to Callum when he knew he had to leave. So he said nothing, just let his fingers stroke against Callum’s face lightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in the end.

Callum looked up, face pale but eyes resolute. “Take me to bed,” he said. “Make me remember you. I want to feel you tomorrow still when you leave. Please, Ben.”

Ben found himself nodding. “Ok,” he murmured and pulled Callum’s face upwards until he could slant their lips together in a bruising kiss.

They stripped off quickly, kisses all teeth and just this side of rough and Ben pushed Callum so he was spread out on his back on the cool sheets and just bit at him until he was a panting mess, cock hard and red and weeping. He wasted no time in getting Callum prepared, two fingers only and he was so aware of Callum’s hands shaking as he rolled the condom onto Ben’s cock, face tilted upwards as he did so.

Ben paused for a second, soothed the nips with a soft kiss to Callum’s swollen lips. “You’ll tell me if I hurt you, right?” he asked anxiously, letting his mask drop as he murmured the question.

Callum set his jaw. “Just shut up and fuck me,” was all he said in response and Ben swallowed hard and decided that Callum was worth it. He groaned, low in his throat and pushed Callum down so he was flat on his back, covering him fully with his own heated body and kissed him with a desperate urgency that had them both gasping for breath.

He bit down on Callum’s neck, soothing the mark with his tongue and sucking it into his mouth over and over again as he pushed inside. With only 2 fingers, Callum was tighter than he had ever been before. Ben was still careful, but this time he thrust straight in with a boldness he’d not had before, wanting to be inside Callum more and make them both remember this, their last night together.

As Ben slid home, Callum let his head fall back onto the pillow with a wordless cry that could have been in pleasure or in pain and Ben hesitated, holding himself still whilst buried to the hilt in heat and tightness and wonderfulness. “Callum…” he breathed, needing to check he was ok, not hurting.

Callum opened his eyes and locked them on Ben’s, gulping hard and gripping onto his shoulders so tight. His eyes were dark, bottomless, full of emotion and Ben almost lost it. It took a moment for Callum to nod, shakily but firm. “I’m good,” he breathed on a moan.

Ben decided to take him at his word, earlier on in the cruise maybe he would have waited for a more definite confirmation but that was not what either of them wanted or needed right now. He pulled out of Callum’s body and then slammed straight back in, hard, fast and deep immediately, setting a fluid pounding rhythm.

“Oh fuck,” Callum panted but as he also wrapped both his arms and legs around Ben’s back and pulled him in as close as possibly, Ben decided that wasn’t a request to stop and put his back really into it. It had been a long time since he’d had a request to fuck anybody so hard and he made the most of it, thrusts becoming so strong and hard that the headboard of the bed started banging into the cabin wall loudly and rhythmically. It would be so obvious to the people next door what was going on but Ben was past caring, he’d never see them after tomorrow anyway, all that mattered was the man in his arms, who was digging his fingers and heels into Ben and making the prettiest noises every time Ben thrust home. He was loud but wordless, well beyond that stage now, clinging hard to Ben’s shoulders, neck bared as he arched his back, keening, helpless noises forced out of him in between ragged breathing. He was simply breathtaking, the most spectacular man Ben had ever had in his bed. Callum’s cock, so hard and hot, was trapped between them, squeezed underneath Ben’s stomach every time he moved. It was clear he was on the edge and Ben loved that, bending down to get his lips and teeth anywhere he could reach, cheeks, lips, neck, jaw, anywhere.

Ben was close too, he could feel the pressure in his balls building and he slowed down, thrusts becoming longer and deeper with a roll of hips and a slight change of angle. As he drove home, hard, slow, so deep he could feel Callum everywhere, it was enough to push Callum over the edge and he came, shuddering from head to toe and coating both of them with his release.

Ben fucked him through it and then thrust hard into Callum’s pliant body one last time before he succumbed to the pleasure as well, the tremors of Callum’s body spasming and clenching around him too much to bear. With a groan from the bottom of his stomach he came, buried deep in Callum’s hot and trembling body.

There were a few seconds afterwards where they could only cling to each other, shaking and weak from the strength of their orgasms and it was only when Ben was back in his own head that he was able to kneel up, remove the condom and throw it away. As he lay back down, he noticed Callum wincing and trying to hide it. He rolled over, got his arms around Callum and stroked his hands down his sweat streaked back. “I hurt you,” he said quietly and it wasn’t a question.

“I asked you to,” Callum whispered back, “I wanted it. It’s only a problem if I didn’t.” He smiled at Ben, a little watery but so sweet and pressed upwards for a kiss that Ben willingly gave. His voice was hoarse, like he’d been shouting and Ben realised he could have been because the last few minutes were a bit of a blur.

Ben kissed him again, sweetly, trying to say in actions what he couldn’t in words. “I’m sorry,” he said in between slow brushes of tongue.

“I liked it,” Callum admitted. “It was incredible. You’re incredible. The whole thing was perfect.”

They kissed again and again before Callum leant back. His eyes were sad again as he traced his fingertip over Ben’s face. “I meant it, you know,” he said. “Every word. I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know,” Ben’s heart felt like it was breaking, “but can you find a way it will work? Because I’ve tried and I can’t see any way other than you hating me in the future because one of us has had to give up everything. And I can’t have you risking your future and your job and your life, and I can’t have you hating me.”

Callum ducked his head and when Ben tilted it back up with a finger under his chin, he had tears in his eyes again. “Oh, Callum, babe,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.” And he pulled him into a tight hug, face pressed into his chest and held him tight.

After a while, Callum’s huffed breaths changed into little deep breathy noises that showed that he’d fallen asleep cuddled to Ben’s chest, and now Ben could let the facade drop. He pressed a kiss to Callum’s hair, running his hand over the bare shoulder warm against his, biting his lip to keep his own tears at bay. In the silence of the cabin, where no one could hear him he whispered the heart breaking confession. “I love you too.”

The morning came much too quickly and things were awkward for the first time. Callum got up first, pulled the uniform on that still had Ben’s mouth watering and then sat down on the edge of the bed, letting his fingers ruffle through Ben’s hair. “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted, mouth trembling slightly as his eyes roved over Ben’s face, like he was trying to commit him to memory.

“Don’t say anything,” Ben whispered and he leant in and kissed him goodbye, a gentle press of lips, a slow brush of tongue and one final suck at Callum’s bottom lip. 

Callum breathed out heavily, let his forehead touch Ben’s once and then he got to his feet. He turned as he opened the door, looking back at Ben who was sitting, holding onto the sheets of the bed so tight his knuckles were turning white to stop himself from running after him. Their eyes met, held and so much passed between them without words. And then finally, with a half wave like he wasn’t sure what he should be doing, Callum turned slowly and pulled the door shut behind him. Left alone for the first time, Ben finally let himself go, flopping back onto the bed that still smelt like sex and Callum, and shut his eyes, trying to push back the urge to run after him, blinking back the tears threatening to fall, trying to calm himself down.

He had to leave the cabin early, grabbing his backpack only, as his luggage had already been taken down to the coach that would be taking him to the airport. At least when he was waiting for breakfast and coffee and then in one of the lounges to leave the ship he was busy, he was distracted, he wasn’t thinking too much of a tall, beautiful man with eyes that could see into his very soul. Keegan and Tiff were in the same lounge as he was waiting for the coach and they waved him over. He’d never been more thankful for them, even when Tiff managed to coax his phone number out of him so they could keep in contact when they got back to the UK.

When they were called to leave, Ben grabbed his backpack and joined the queue of passengers through the lobby for the final check out as they left the ship. He was not really surprised by the prickle on the back of his neck as he moved into the main plaza, he’d been half expecting it. Looking upwards, he spotted him, Callum, all in white, leaning over the railings at the top of the lobby on the seventh floor. They gazed at each other and even from three floors down Ben could imagine the look in his eyes as their gazes locked. He could have stayed there forever, committing every last beautiful inch of him to memory. But the people in the queue behind Ben bumped into him with a grumble and he knew it was time, he’d have to go. Callum raised a hand in goodbye, fingers curling towards the palm of his hand, sadness visible in every single line of his body. Ben nodded towards him curtly, his heart breaking into pieces, he was so close to not going, to running the opposite way towards Callum when the man behind him jammed his carry on case into his heels. 

“Alright, hold your horses!” he snapped at the man, but when he turned back for one last glimpse at Callum, he’d gone.

The journey to the airport, the slump as he sat alone on the plane all made things seem more and more awful. He took one last look backwards over the ocean as the plane took off, seeing the cruise ships all berthed ready for the next trips in the port, then turned around and stared at the screen in front of him. He’d made the decision. It hurt now, but he knew it was right, he’d end up hurting Callum and Callum would end up hurting him and it wouldn’t work. It didn’t mean he wasn’t in pain at this moment in time, feeling like part of him was being left behind in Miami. But he’d made the decision. He now had to live with it and find a way to get over Callum Highway.


	9. Chapter 9

Six months had passed since the cruise and Ben was spending yet another day at work. He was bored, bored of his job, bored of his friends, bored of his life. He’d never admit it out loud, but he’d had a taste of what things could be if they were different and now every time he looked around himself, he found himself wanting more. Callum had changed him and his perspective on life and he wondered everyday whether leaving him had been the best decision, or the worst he’d ever made in his life.

He took out his phone whilst he was alone in the garage, flicking through to the one photo he had of those times. He’d never actually taken any photo of Callum whilst he’d been on the cruise, something he’d regretted the minute he’d gotten home but with no way of getting one, he’d resigned himself to only being able to remember their romance in his head. Until one day he’d had an email from Tiff, full of what he knew to be empty promises of meeting up and reliving the wonderful holiday. But attached to the bottom had been this photo, one she’d taken on the day in Jamaica where it had all started.  _ Thought you may like this, you look so happy!  _ she’d written. It had been before the tourist had tried to rob her, before Callum had been attacked, before they’d even kissed for the first time, when they were sitting on the wall by the cafe. And the way they were looking at each other, smiling, happy, like they were a couple head over heels in love, had been too lovely for Ben to get rid of. He’d thought about it a lot since then, finger hovering over the delete button, but he’d never been able to do it. If this was the only thing he got to have of Callum now, then he’d have to make do with it.

He’d told his fellow mechanic and sort of friend Jay about what had happened - briefly and nowhere near the truth - just saying he’d had a fling whilst on holiday. Jay had been quite interested at least, he had asked for details and then had teased Ben for a few weeks until it became background news again. Ben had only told him because he wanted to talk about Callum to someone, even if they weren’t really interested in what had happened, and Jay had at least understood bits of it, even if he knew nowhere near the truth.

Ben had been working alone for three days, Billy and Jay had been at a car auction in Manchester and they were back today thankfully. The garage was boring enough with the three of them there, with Ben alone it had been awful and he’d done nothing but daydream and think of what he wanted in life and he was so tired of it all he needed a distraction.

So the noise Jay made when he came back in was so welcome. “Hey,” Ben called, from where he was looking at the jobs for the day. “It’s good to see you, mate!”

If Jay was surprised by the unusually warm welcome he said nothing, just clapped Ben on the shoulder as he came to his own desk. “Good to be back! How’s things been?”

“Good,” Ben said, nodding at the paperwork. “Got lots of stuff done, even if it’s been a bit boring without you. I’m going to start on the Hubbard car, let me know if you want to help after you’ve sorted out your post.”

“No worries,” Jay replied as he sat down, rolling his eyes at the mountain of post on his desk. “I swear, you go away for three days and it’s like Christmas here. How many letters do I have?”

Ben grinned as he got to work, feeling better already. He forgot about Jay for a while, working on changing the oil in the car in front of him when he was startled by a call, almost hitting his head on the bonnet as he stood up. Jay had called him, and was waving an envelope at him. “This one’s for you. The stupid postman must have got it mixed up with all of my rubbish,” he said and he threw the envelope at Ben.

Ben looked at it carefully, it was handwritten, so not one of the usual junk letters they received at the garage, the writing spiky and uneven and unfamiliar. “What is it?” he asked as he turned it in his hands, looking for postmarks or any feature he could use to identify it.

“I have no idea,” Jay was leaning on his desk, looking interested too as he watched Ben. “Come on, open it up, let’s see what it is! This is the most interesting thing I’ve seen for days!”

Ben ignored him, turning the envelope over and over again in his hands, trying to decipher the handwriting and then ripping it open when he couldn’t work out anymore from the crisp, white paper. Inside, was a postcard, a picture of Stonehenge on it which caused even more confusion, until Ben turned it over. The back was completely covered with writing, even over the address line which made it clear why it had been stuffed into an envelope and at the end, squished in but heart leaping in it’s simplicity, was the scrawl of a familiar name.

Callum.

Ben gulped once, forgetting where he was and read the whole thing through in one go.

_ Ben _

_ I hope this is the right address. I hope you’re well. I didn’t know whether to write to you or not but I know I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try. I guess the Caribbean didn’t work out for me, seems like my heart was back home in England. So I’ve decided to come back over and work the European circuit again. That means I’ll be based in Southampton. If you want to and you’re interested even the slightest bit, it means we could maybe meet up, see if what we had was worth it? I’d like to give us a go at least, but I understand if you don’t. If you do want it, I’m having a turnover on June 8th whilst I wait for my new ship to arrive the following day. I’ll be staying in Southampton. If you want to, you could come and meet me? We can talk? I’ll be in the Port and Anchor pub between 3 and 5pm. No worries if you don’t want to see me, that’s fine. I just wanted… I needed to see if you did. _

_ I miss you _

_ Callum _

There was a scratched out symbol after his name, almost like he’d written a kiss and then crossed it out and the writing was so small and smudged that it was clear it had been written straight from the heart and Ben felt the tears threatening. Because it had been easy to try to forget Callum, forget how he was and how he made Ben feel when he was just a memory but now, he was here, almost tangible, and Ben was so not prepared for this.

Jay cleared his throat and Ben looked up, having forgotten he wasn’t alone. Jay nodded his head at the postcard Ben was still clutching. “Who’s it off?” he asked and Ben threw it over to him.

“Callum,” he said, noticing how his breath hitched on the name.

“That bloke you met on holiday?” Jay asked, and at Ben’s rather shaky nod, he read the card through twice, eyebrows raising as he did. “Comes on a bit strong,” he commented finally, looking at Ben. “I thought you said it was just a fling.”

Ben scratched his head. “Maybe a bit more. He told me he loved me,” he admitted.

“Wow.” Jay couldn’t seem more surprised. “Stalker then?”

“No,” Ben scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “He’s lovely. I… he… he wanted me to stay or he wanted to leave to be with me, I said no. That’s all.”

Jay looked again at Ben and he ducked his head, suddenly embarrassed, a red flush climbing onto his cheeks. “Oh, my god,” he said in a voice that had Ben wanting to run away. “You fell in love with him too.”

“Shut up,” he growled.

“Ben… that’s so romantic. I mean, I get why you didn’t want to stay over there, but if you love him and it’s clear he loves you too still why not give it a go? He’s based in Southampton now. You’ll see him at least once a week and he’ll be close enough when you have holidays to spend them with him. If he’s made this much of an effort, he must be into you still.” and he handed the card back. Ben tried not to stroke over the letters on the back, the slope of Callum’s name but he wasn’t sure how successful he was at hiding it.

“I don’t know,” Ben shrugged. “I don’t deserve him. He’s wonderful, beautiful, lovely… and I’m me.”

“Well, he obviously likes you,” Jay said and he handed Ben the card back. “Why not give him a go? What do you have to lose?”

Ben shook his head, resolutely, set on not burdening Callum with a loser like him. “It’s pointless, mate,” he said. “It was six months ago, it’s over. And besides, today is the 8th, right? I’ll never make it to Southampton to see him. There’s too much work here for me to leave.” Jay looked guiltily up at him, the realisation that the postcard had probably sat on his desk for the last three days and that was the reason why it had been found too late obviously dawning on him at Ben’s words.

“Ben…” Jay started but Ben threw the card into the bin and turned his back on it.

“Let’s just work, right,” he said and he picked up a wrench and turned to the cars.

A few hours later, Ben was still working on the same car when he became aware of Jay calling his name repeatedly. “What?” he snapped.

“You can still make it,” Jay said patiently, and it had been clear he had been trying to get Ben’s attention for a while.

“What?” Ben repeated again and Jay heaved a huge sigh and turned around his tablet so Ben could see the page he was looking at. 

“There’s a train at 2 from Waterloo. You’d have to leave now, get the tube or a taxi, but you can still make it. It’ll get you into Southampton at half 3.”

Ben dropped his head, refusing to make eye contact. “I told you I wasn’t interested,” he mumbled.

“Yeah right. Maybe I’d believe that if you hadn’t been tightening that same nut for the last hour whilst looking all the time at that damn bin!” Jay leant forward. “Ben. You deserve a chance of happiness. Are you really ready to let him go again?”

Ben hesitated, unsure of what to say and do but in the end his heart won over his head. “Yeah, ok,” he said, dropping the wrench onto the floor. “Give me the details and can you let Billy know please?”

There were no taxis outside and a quick glance at his watch told him that he had no time to waste. The nearest tube stop was only down the road and a quick check on his phone showed there were no delays. Running through the station made his heart pound but he wasn’t quite sure if it was from the exercise or the anticipation of what was coming.

The tube ride to Waterloo was no problem, luckily, even if he had to stand crammed into a carriage, and because Jay had already bought the ticket to Southampton then texted him the details he got onto the train with no problem. It was only when he was sitting, foot tapping nervously, that Ben began to actually think. He was running halfway across the country after a man he’d only met for three weeks, no matter what he had thought or done whilst he’d been on the cruise. Maybe this was stupid? He hadn’t even got a contact number for Callum. But he took out his phone and scrolled to the photo of them together and he knew, knew that he had no choice but to give them a chance. With hours to go, he looked at the internet, at a site he’d been going on and off ever since he’d returned home. He’d never had the courage to do anything more than look, but maybe now was the chance to put things in motion.

He was so engrossed in the site that he didn’t notice how quickly the journey took, but he did notice when the train ground to a halt, just outside Southampton according to the maps app on his phone. Maybe it was just a small wait? It was only when the train conductor’s voice came over the tannoy system, tinny and small in the carriage that Ben realised how screwed he was. Signal problems meant that they had to wait just outside the station, a mere 5 minutes away from the platform, with no time given on when the issues would be fixed. And he had no way of contacting Callum. The big red numbers on the digital clock read 3:30. He had plenty of time, there was no problem. At least, that was what he kept on telling himself as the numbers ticked over and over. It was only when the clock showed 4:30 and then 4:35 and then 4:40 and there was nothing. No more announcements, no noises that said the train was moving, nothing. Ben sat and stared at the clock, wishing. He’d come all this way and he was trapped on this damn train. It was getting closer and closer to 5 and Callum would leave and he had no way of knowing what ship he was on or when he’d be back. Maybe the universe was sending him a sign after all, maybe he was never destined to be happy. He looked again at the photo of Callum and heaved a deep sigh. All he could do was sit, fingernails pressing into skin, and wait anxiously for the first sign of movement, and just hope and pray he wasn’t too late.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t do what Ben’s planning on doing! It’s not a great idea at all!

Clock watching proved too stressful as the red numbers ticked over and over steadily, like Ben’s world wasn’t falling to pieces, and he was ready to fling the door open and just run for it, fine or no fine for breaking the law and endangering himself. The world couldn’t be so cruel to leave him stranded here, literally five minutes from where he needed to be, whilst Callum waited and thought he wasn’t coming? 

The clock ticked over to 4:50 and he was just about ready to stand up to make an escape, regardless of the fact he’d be jumping onto a live train track, he was so desperate to get off this damn train. All he could do was hope that Callum had stayed a little bit longer than what he’d said and that he wasn’t fried by the train tracks or caught by the police when he flung the door open. But just as he was getting to his feet, phone in hand and face set grimly for the illegal and stupid thing he was going to do, the train gave an almighty lurch and started to move, slowly but surely into the station. Ben heaved a massive sigh of relief, but it wasn’t over yet. So he stayed standing up, got right by the doors and the minute they were open he was off, running, maps open on his phone to find the pub Callum would be in. It was only 10 minutes away but he was going to be late.

He was out of breath when he slammed into the Port and Anchor pub, door banging as he leant over trying to calm his beating heart to a more normal tempo, hand pressed to his chest. The time on his phone mocked him - he was exactly 10 minutes late. He let his eyes roam around the pub, looking for a tall man, brown hair, bluest eyes in the world.

But he wasn’t there.

Heart lurching, Ben pushed himself upright and somehow managed to get to the bar, frantically getting the attention of the girl behind it. “I’m looking for someone,” he blurted out. “Have you seen him?” and he showed her the photo of Callum. She frowned a little, looking at him carefully, because telling strangers things about customers was obviously not something she should or was willing to do but Ben was desperate. “Please. I should have been here. I was due to meet him. Please?”

Her eyes softened as she realised his obvious distress. “Yeah, he was here. You just missed him, actually. He looked really sad when he left.”

Ben thanked her numbly and left the pub, leaning on the wall outside and trying to think, think because this couldn’t be it, surely? He hadn’t just made a mad dash to Southampton, just to be returning to London alone and lonely and unhappy? Where would Callum go? If he thought Ben hadn’t turned up, if he was upset and angry and hurt, where would he go?

There was only one place where he would be, Ben was sure. The one place that Callum loved, that calmed him down, that for him was home.

He pushed off the wall and made his way towards the seafront, to the ocean.

He’d searched the first area and had found no sight of Callum, and now his thoughts turned towards begging, asking to a God he didn’t believe in not to let this slip through his fingers for a second time because he needed, wanted Callum more than he’d wanted anything in his life and maybe Jay was right, maybe he did deserve happiness and he couldn’t just let it go.

And then it seemed like the world was finally listening to his pleas, because he turned a corner and there, in the distance, leaning against a barrier overlooking the sea, head in hands and hair whipping in the wind was a figure Ben would recognise anywhere. 

Callum.

He cupped his hands around his mouth as he broke into another run and shouted as loud as he possibly could. “Callum!” and somehow, amongst the bustle of other people and the noise of the ocean and the wind, the figure's head snapped around and for the first time in months, Ben was looking straight at him. He carried on running, pushing through the burning in his chest. Callum stood up straight and started to come towards Ben too and they met in the middle. Ben was struggling to breathe again but he couldn’t stop his eyes from raking over the other man. His face was pale, eyes ringed with red but there was such a hopeful look in them, in the shaky half smile that was on his face that Ben’s heart started to beat faster than any running had made it. 

“Ben?” Callum said, hesitantly, like he was unsure of why Ben was here, like the fact that he had been running after him, that he’d just come down from London to meet him, didn’t mean what it surely must do.

Ben took his courage in both hands, let actions speak louder than the words he knew he’d struggle to say. He stepped forward, into Callum’s personal space, grabbed the front of his T-shirt with trembling fingers and kissed him.

It was like the world had stopped moving, everything falling quiet, the only thing that mattered was Callum and Callum lips and the way he gasped into Ben’s mouth like he couldn’t believe he was there. There was a moment when he didn’t react and Ben thought maybe he’d blown it after all and then all of sudden Callum was kissing him back. His hands came to Ben’s face, fingers sliding around the back of his head, cradling him close as they kissed. Ben smoothed his hands out from where they were gripping Callum’s T-shirt, sliding one to his neck and the other to his waist, pulling him close as he kept the kiss soft and gentle, lips on lips only, despite wanting nothing more than to deepen it.

The kiss only broke when they both needed air more than each other and Callum gazed at him, gulping loudly in the small gap between them. “You’re here, you came,” he said, fingers stroking at the back of Ben’s head, refusing to let him go. “I didn’t think…” he swallowed hard and a look of fear flashed into those beautiful eyes. “Please tell me you want this,” he breathed and Ben understood that despite everything, he didn’t fully believe that Ben was here, with him, wanting him.

“I just came from London and chased you around Southampton,” he said, needing Callum to understand. “I want you. I’m sorry I…”

Whatever he was about to say was halted, as Callum made a noise deep in his throat and pulled Ben back into a searing kiss, no matter where they were, his mouth opening under Ben’s and Ben responding in kind, drawing Callum’s tongue into his mouth immediately and gripping his hips to stop himself sliding a hand inside his jeans. 

“Talk… we need to talk…” Ben managed to gasp in between presses of lips, chasing after the heat of Callum’s mouth when he broke away.

“Later… please…” Callum groaned. “I have a hotel room…. if you want to that is.”

Ben gulped, knowing just what Callum was asking for and becoming hard straight away. He wanted it so much, he rocked once into Callum’s body, feeling heat that showed he was having the same problem. Even if they had to talk, knowing they were both on the same page was all he actually needed at this moment in time, his need for Callum so much.

“Yeah, yeah,” he murmured, smudging kisses on whatever skin he could reach and knowing that actually being in private was a good idea. “Come on, show me.”

They walked back to the hotel Callum was staying in, getting to the room as quickly as they possibly could and the minute they were behind a closed door, they were kissing again. 

They stripped each other with trembling fingers, relearning where to touch and stroke each other. Ben pulled Callum’s T-shirt off in between kisses, letting his palm slide over his chest, down to his belly button and feeling how his stomach quivered under the light touch of his hand. Callum returned the favour, not allowing their lips to part for more than necessary as he slid off Ben’s T-shirt and trousers, his hands running over every inch of skin as it was exposed and Ben let every single noise that elicited pour out of his mouth, wanting Callum to realise how much he needed this, wanted him. They kissed for a long time, standing as close as they could in the centre of the room, hands wandering and building the heat between them until it was a furnace. Ben eventually pushed Callum onto the bed, before following him down so they were stretched out skin to skin on top of each other, lips not parting once. They needed no words for this, the reassurance of each other’s touches all that was required to recapture what they’d had. 

They let their hands and fingers roam, pressed together so close there was barely any space to touch, but desperate for each other. Ben’s fingers stroked over Callum’s shoulders and arms, down to his wrists, over his chest, down to his cock, remembering the way it felt in his palm, the way he twitched and gasped when Ben stroked it firmly, fingers pressing against the vein on the underside. He cupped his balls, rolling them in his hands and let one finger slide down, running over Callum’s hole and enjoying the deep moan that got out of the man. Callum wasn’t shy either, his fingers playing with Ben’s nipples, running through the hair below his belly button, tracing circles on his cock, thumb pressing just underneath the head, smiling when Ben’s body reacted. And through it all, they kissed, a mixture of short, sweet breathless kisses and lingering deep kisses that spoke volumes about how they felt about each other. It was as if they’d never been apart, Ben thought, before he lost all coherent brain power, it felt so right being with Callum and being made to feel the way he did.

Things eventually got more purposeful, as the air became more and more heated between them and it was clear where this was going. “What do you want?” Ben managed to gasp, in between their lips, Callum’s hand currently curled around his dick, stroking at a slow and steady pace and lighting him up from the inside. “My hand? My mouth? My fingers?”

“Whatever you want to give me,” Callum moaned. “I want it all Ben. Not just this, I want you, forever. What do you want?”

“You, I want you,” Ben echoed and the smile on Callum’s face, large and bright, was worth it all, worth the mad dash, worth leaving London for. “I want everything, Callum, everything. So, whatever you want, I want to give you.”

“Your cock,” Callum pulled back and looked Ben in the eyes, swallowing as his hips pushed upwards. “If you’re really asking, I want your cock. Been thinking about it for months and wishing you were with me.”

“I can do that,” Ben swallowed the words in yet another kiss, pulling Callum as close as he could and smiling at the way he wound his legs around him and kept them pressed against each other skin to skin.

Ben took his time prepping Callum, leg hitched up around his waist, watching as he fell to pieces underneath him, writhing and moaning and kissing, lips always pressed to whatever skin he could reach. It was so perfect to be back, fingers knuckle deep inside Callum’s body, the feeling of him so tight and warm and lovely, the sight of him incredible. He took as long as he could, until Callum was begging him to “get inside me Ben, I’ve been ready for hours,” and he couldn’t hold himself off any longer. It felt like no time had passed before he was pushing in, back where he’d belonged, inside Callum.

It was so wonderful, the feeling, the heat, the warmth, the perfectness of Callum’s body, arching underneath him as he thrust slowly and gently, hand curled lightly around Callum’s cock as he did. He braced his other arm next to Callum’s head and kissed him over and over again, letting his tongue match the movement of his hips, listening for the moans and hitches of breath that let him know how much Callum was enjoying this too. Callum wrapped both arms and legs around him, pulling him closer, keeping him close and matched him thrust for thrust, encouraging him deeper and faster. It felt like only perfect minutes had passed before Ben was spilling deep into Callum’s body, pulsing and twitching inside him as he stroked Callum’s lovely cock through it, feeling the clench as he came too, over their hands and his chest and stomach. 

They stayed joined together, kissing gently as they both came down, before Ben pulled away with a face at the mess they’d made and pulled away to fetch a warm, damp cloth to wipe themselves down with. Callum whined as he broke contact. 

Stay, cuddle,” he begged.

“We’re going to get stuck together,” Ben warned but Callum pouted as he looked at him.

“I don’t care, we can always have a shower together later anyway,” he suggested and Ben laughed fondly and lay back down. 

“Fine,” he said as he settled back into Callum’s arms, “but don’t blame me when we get all crusty.”

“Was your fault,” Callum said, getting his lips back onto Ben’s and kissing him almost lazily, slow brushes of tongue and small nips to Ben’s lips. “But I like it. Missed having you with me, ever since you left.”

They were lying face to face on the pillows, legs entwined, and Callum bit his lips as he looked anxiously at Ben. “I missed you, so, so much. I mean it, not just the sex, but you. Having you there, talking to you, everything,” he said and his voice was low and worried.

Ben touched his bare shoulder, fingers tracing random patterns on the sweaty, soft skin lightly. “I missed you too,” he admitted, “I missed it all too, every little thing,” and it was worth it for the small smile that appeared on Callum’s face.

“I thought you weren’t going to come today,” Callum said, serious again, “I didn’t know if you’d even want to hear from me again, let alone see me.”

“My friend convinced me to come,” Ben admitted. “I'm scared, Callum, of whatever this may be between us. I’m not great at relationships. I don’t want to hurt you at all.” He paused , knowing he’d already hurt Callum when he’d walked away from the cruise. “I like you,” he said gently. “So, so much. It scares me to think you may hate me eventually.”

“I won’t hate you,” Callum said confidently, hand slipping to Ben’s waist and pulling him in closer. “I still love you. I couldn’t forget about you. I didn’t want to forget about you. It’s a risk I’m willing to take still, I want you in my life.” He smiled again, a little smile that spoke of so much sincerity Ben was touched by his words. He slid his hands down Callum’s spine, relishing in being able to touch him again and realising how much he’d missed this closeness.

“Why are you back over here anyway, it’s not because of me is it?” Ben asked suddenly, worried.

“No,” Callum leant forward and kissed him softly. “Well, maybe a little but not totally. I didn’t enjoy the Caribbean much, the crew were too cliquey on board and I was the token new boy. They were nice enough but I missed the European tour. Got my training done and then when a place came back up. over here, I just jumped at it.” He looked at Ben, biting his lip. “But, I mean, the idea of being closer to you, if you were still interested, was too much of a pull to ignore. That’s why I wrote to you, I was hoping… I just didn’t know.”

Ben had no choice but to kiss him, slow, deep, then dropped his lips to Callum’s bare shoulder, breathing him in. “I’m sorry,” he said again, but Callum shushed him, letting their fingers twine together on Ben’s hip, relaxing into the contact between their bodies. 

“I thought I’d come on too strong,” he admitted, “thought I’d scared you away. But I couldn’t not try. I found your garage online, cos you’d told me where you lived and what your cousin's name was, but I couldn’t just write, didn’t want to call in case you hated me, and then when I got the job over here I had to.”

“I’m glad you did,” Ben said. “Because leaving you on that ship was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I’ve regretted it every single day since. I love you.”

Callum shifted in the bed so he was in between Ben’s legs, eyes so large and hopeful and almost shy. “Really?” he asked and Ben couldn’t help but repeat the words over and over as they made love late into the night.

The sun was starting to rise when they were able to talk again, entwined fully in each other’s arms, lips never far from warmed skin. Callum would have to leave for the ship in a few hours but the knowledge that he’d be back every single week made Ben feel excited, a low thrum of arousal still in his body despite all the relearning of each other’s bodies that they’d been doing all night. 

He lay, half on top of Callum, legs wrapped around him and hand playing with his chest, head resting on it so he could look into those beautiful blue eyes and it only took a few millimetres to brush their lips together because he couldn’t, didn’t want to stop touching him. “I’ve been thinking,” he said, slowly, unsure of how to say what he’d been researching but wanting Callum to know before anyone else.

“Oh yeah,” Callum said suggestively, letting his hips rock into Ben’s and he couldn’t believe this was the first, and probably only, time he was willing to turn down sex.

“Not with my dick, for the first time, believe it or not,” he said with a sigh and a kiss because he didn’t want Callum to worry. “About what you said to me, when we were on the cruise?”

Callum leaned away from him, eyes puzzled. “I said a lot of things to you. I wasn’t sure if you’d listened to any of them.”

“This was different, I thought about it every single day.” Ben took a deep breath. “About how I was worth more than I thought, that I deserved to be happy.”

Callum’s eyes cleared and he pulled Ben up for yet another kiss, lips lingering. “It’s true,” he said, “you deserve all the best things in the world. You’re so much better than you think, I’ve seen it. I know you, that’s why I love you.”

“You were the only person to ever say that to me,” Ben admitted. “It’s the nicest thing anyone ever said.” He almost got distracted by the look on Callum’s face, the long lingering kiss that followed and he had to put a hand on Callum’s chest to give himself a bit of space. “You’re right. I was settling in a job I hate because it was easy. So I’ve been looking at other things. I can transfer my degree into an engineering qualification for cruise ships, if you still want me to come on board with you. I could never ask you to leave your job, but I’d love to do something that makes me better, that makes me happy and that means I get to spend more time with you. If you do to, I mean.”

Callum cut off his rambling by pulling him into a kiss and then a hug, tight, warm and so lovely. “Of course I want you to be happy. And if that means you want to do this and start working on a ship then I’m over the moon. But only if you want it. Don’t do something just because you think you have to.”

“I’ve been looking for months,” Ben admitted. “It’s something I think I’d enjoy, the challenge, the thrill, something more than just the boring stuff I’m doing now. I just needed something, or someone, to push me to make the jump. It’ll take me six months to qualify. I know it’ll make me happy.”

Callum’s eyes were shining like stars as he looked at Ben, biting his lip as they both realised what this would do, allowing them to work together, be together properly, in a job that they would both love.

I think you should do whatever makes you happy, Ben,” he said, moving close, “and I’ll be there no matter what you choose.”

“Doing you,” Ben leant back so he could see into Callum’s eyes as he delivered the line with as straight a face as he could manage. “Doing you makes me very happy.”

Callum laughed, letting his legs fall open and pulling Ben closer in between them so he could lean up and kiss him, dirty and full of promise. “God, your puns are terrible! Good job I love you,” he whispered into his mouth, hips rocking into Ben’s so he could tell just how much that was true. 

“Well, I cant help it! It’s not my fault I fell in love with someone who doesn’t have a romantic bone in their body!” Ben grinned back in reply, letting his fingers circle Callum’s interested cock.

Well,” Callum half said, half moaned as he captured Ben’s lips in a deep kiss. “We could remedy that ailment immediately, if you like. I’ve always fancied the idea of having a romantic bone in my body.”


End file.
